Prescription for America

Michelle Obama, Pedestrian Predator?

2011-01-21T19:03:00.003-06:00

When you think of Michelle Obama, you likely think of a stately, elegant First Lady. The Director of the Governors Highway Safety Association would disagree with that. Because apparently, she thinks of her more as the bad guy from a Schwarzenegger movie.

Since Michelle Obama encouraging children to exercise is apparently what is responsible for a recent slight upswing in pedestrian deaths. I'd like to go off on an angry tangent about that, but I don't really have anything to say besides, "What the fuck??"

Oh, and remember, it's not the people who died that are the victims. No, it's Sarah Palin who is the victim.

Why Plain Can't Win in 2012

2011-01-20T23:08:00.002-06:00

I don't believe Sarah Palin is going to run in 2012- I think she would much rather tease us with the possibility that she might run, because she realizes her stock will fall when she is out of the picture as the GOP's candidate in 2012. I think she really likes the boatloads of cash that she's making, and doesn't want the responsibility that comes with actually being a candidate for public office. Should she run, I think the GOP voters are probably smart enough to know that her unfavorable ratings are too high to win a general election. However, I hope this is not the case- if she does run, I will sure as shit donate to her primary campaign, because should she run for president, and make it to the general election, she will fall flat on her face. And were this to happen, I don't think near as many people would give a shit what she has to say anymore- nobody was lining up to interview Dole after '96. But more importantly, Americans like presidential candidates that give them hope for a better future. Palin has had little to offer besides negativity and proclaiming herself the victim all the time.

Today being the 50th anniversary of JFK's inauguration has made me think that she would do well to listen to his famous advice to "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country." Even after the Tucson tragedy, Palin made herself out to be the victim. People had just gotten fucking murdered and SHE was the victim. Jon Stewart sums up the bullshit of this better than I can.

This article about America growing weary of Palin gives me hope that she'll go away soon.

Watching this, quite possibly the best summary of American aspirations that I've heard, shows the stark difference between a successful presidential candidate & Sarah Palin:

Keeping it Classy

2011-01-20T18:00:00.001-06:00

In the uncertainty that results from living in a post-9/11 world, it can be comforting to know that some things never change. For example, it's comforting to know that no matter what happens, Rush Limbaugh will keep being fuckin' classy:

Sarah Palin Royally Pisses Me Off

2011-01-13T00:33:00.002-06:00

I don't really have much to add to that, besides saying I really, really hope she runs in 2012, so I can witness what I've already been waiting 2 years to see, and that's watching her fall flat on her face.

These articles are worth reading:
The first is about why Sarah Palin's against collectively blaming a group for an individual's actions... that is, unless she's doing it herself

The second is a humorous article about her camp trying to say that the bullseyes on her PAC's election map was really surveyor's symbols

It Only Took One Day

2011-01-11T16:25:00.005-06:00

... of GOP rule in the house, and already, one big fuck-up. Really, as a Congressman, how the hell do you miss the swearing-in ceremony? And on top of that, to miss the ceremony so you could be at a fucking fundraiser? I don't even know what to compare this to. I'm pretty sure, however, that the heated rhetoric on the campaign trail of ending the politics as usual has already fallen flat on its face on day 1, since I doubt most citizens would consider fundraising in the Capitol Visitors' Center instead of being sworn in would be an end to "politics as usual." But then again, I'd assume that up until now, pretty much any member elected to Congress actually did show up to the swearing-in ceremony, so maybe I'm wrong. Maybe we're going to end politics as usual by really stepping up the bullshit.

And for all the talk of not wasting money, spending time to read the entire Constitution on the House floor, can not come cheap. Whether or not that figure is accurate can be argued, but it is inarguable that it is a costly endeavor to pay congressmen, staffers, aides, etc. to sit and hear a document read that they should already be familiar with. Fuck, at least assign it as homework & give them a quiz on Monday so you're not wasting the fucking taxpayer dollar. Especially since the new Congress got elected on a platform of reducing the wasting of taxpayer money.

Also, John Boehner's a fucking perpetually tanned jackass (it's not sunny in Ohio year-round, motherfucker), that cries so much on public television it's disturbing. I mean, watching him speak can be like watching a break-up scene in a chick flick. I suspect I'm not the only one that pictures him curled up on a couch with a box of Kleenex and a pint of ice cream after he steps down from the podium.

A Story about the 2010 Election

2010-11-02T22:43:00.004-05:00

Here's a fictional story to highlight my feelings about the midterms tonight:

In 2000, John started dating a hooker. Since '94, he had kind of been seeing her on & off, but he hadn't fully committed to this lady of the night until 2000. After 6 years of serious dating, John realized he had contracted genital herpes from his hooker, so he kicked her to the curb and started seeing a doctor to get treatment. From 2006-2010, John and his doctor worked on treating his herpes and in January, 2009, he began more intense therapy and started trying some newer, more innovative therapy. During the course of therapy, John's doctor had not performed flawlessly by any means. Some of the side effects of therapy were more pronounced than expected, and John's doctor didn't always articulate well the benefits he was receiving from his therapy. By the time October, 2010 rolled around, John wasn't happy with the progression of his therapy, so he ran back to the arms of the fucking hooker that gave him genital herpes in the first place.

In case you didn't catch it, John is America, the hooker is the fucking GOP, and herpes is all the fucking bullshit they handed this country. Why the fuck the country would give power back to the shitbricks that got us into this steaming pile of horseshit is beyond me.

Death, Taxes, and Old People

2009-08-27T19:55:00.002-05:00

I'm fucking sick of hearing old people bitch about Obama and the "Socialist States of America" spreading the fucking wealth. Why, you ask? Aren't old people entitled to their own opinions about shit going on in the country to? They are, but I too have a right for those opinions to piss me the fuck off.

Here's why: no single fucking demographic in American society has had more wealth spread to them for a longer period of time. Since 1935, old people have been bitching about spreading the wealth all the way to the bank... to cash their goddamn Social Security checks. So you're against spreading the wealth? Fine, then I want video proof of you ripping up every motherfucking social security check that comes your way. I'd also like to see all disability checks, Medicare Part A, B, and D benefits, and all dia-bee-tuhs testing supplies paid for by Medicare to be tossed in the trash too. I think then you'll find out that you're only against spreading the wealth when it isn't being spread to you.

Now, I'm not saying I'm against all these old people benefits. I believe it's important for a society to take care of it's elderly. Granted, Medicare Part D was about as piss-poorly designed ("We're going to have 42 different prescription plans for old people to choose from, and guess where all of the information about which plan is best for you is going to be?! In Reader's Digest? Fuck no, old people can use that. On computers!!") as a government program can get, but I'm not against giving the elderly prescription coverage. I just wish they would have gotten someone who's not a dumbfuck to design the program. How can you tell it's a program that was set up by some fat, lazy asshole who didn't know shit about medicine? Because almost everyone's plan involves something called the fucking "donut-hole."

Anyways, only being against spreading the wealth when it doesn't get spread to you is why the Republicans who are against "spreading the wealth" can still get off to of Ronald Reagan every night, because let's face it, tax breaks spread the wealth. Only Reagan's tax breaks spread the wealth upwards, and it seems that in the minds of many Republicans, spreading the wealth around to the rich fucks in society isn't such a fucking crisis. Spreading the wealth is a lot like butter- spreading it to the rich is just like spreading it on toast, where it tastes delicious, but if you spread the wealth to the poor, it's like spreading butter on... well, I can't think of anything butter would taste that bad on, so I guess that's a pretty shitty analogy.

If you get an argument with an old person about spreading the wealth, point out all the wealth that they're getting spread to them. If that doesn't work, ponder the interesting concept of those death panels that Sarah Palin has been talking about. Or simply tell them to fuck off.

I've seen a lot of stupid shit in my day but...

2009-07-31T02:05:00.006-05:00

...very few of them could piss me off worse then my 1 hour layover turning into a 4 hour layover and American fucking Airlines not even offering a damn sandwich for delaying us so long. What pissed me off so much was when I got home to St. Louis, and I saw an advertisement for this. It didn't just piss me off, it really got my piss boiling. It has got to be the 2nd stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen (I'll be posting about the stupidest thing I've ever seen in the near future- and in truer tradition to this blog, it is something spewed forth by a Republican). Not because I'm against educating children in needy countries, but because I think there's a shitton of things that the money could be better used for. You can tell how fucked up our society's gotten when we think the most important think we can give to children in a needy country is a fucking laptop. What about fucking food? Or AIDS drugs? Or doctors? Or fucking potable water? Or fucking mosquito nets so that people don't die of fucking malaria? To hell with all of that shit, they need fucking laptops.

The whole concept pisses me off- one laptop per child. Why aren't we more concerned about having at least one meal a day per child or fucking shelter for every child? Well, I guess shelter isn't a concern since that would block out the sun and their fucking laptops couldn't recharge then.

Again, this wouldn't be a terrible idea if these kids had everything they need to fucking survive before we start worrying about giving all of them laptops. Furthermore, it costs $200 fucking dollars to donate a laptop. Here's a list of what you could do if you donated that $200 to another charity instead:
1) Feed a starving child for 20 fucking months
2) Buy 20 mosquito nets to help prevent 20 people from becoming infected with malaria, which by the way can be a fatal disease (and in case you're not 100% sure, not owning a laptop is never, ever fucking fatal).
3) Deliver almost 1,500 fucking pounds of food to starving American children
4) Buy a bunch of shit from this website to show how much more dedicated you are to breast cancer awareness than fucking everyone else around you. I don't know if their money actually goes to breast cancer research so whether that's charity or not is up in the air.
5) Buy 8 fucking ribeye steaks cooked on a pitchfork, and then eat them overlooking the fucking Badlands. I know that not charity, it's just badass.
6) Buy a shitton of Natty Light for this guy.

I really don't get how the fuck this idea came about- I picture it playing out like this:
Jackass 1 was standing around and said "You know, there's a lot of motherfucking problems in this world," and then
Jackass 2 chiming in with "You're fucking right... not the least of which is the fact that there are all these starving kids..."
Jackass 1 interrupts with, "I know we've got to feed those sons of bitches!"
Jackass 2 becomes disgusted and said "No, infrastructure problems would make that practically impossible. We need to get them to have fucking laptops with wireless internet."
Jackass 1: "They're fucking starving kids in a needy country, how the hell would they use wireless internet?"
Jackass 2: "Fuck you."

Thus rendering another convert to the fucking idea that it's really important to get fucking laptops to all these kids. And what is very likely the stupidest fucking charity I've ever heard of marches on to see another day.

Next post: A case study of all the kids that will benefit from this fucking program.

Conservative Strangelove...

2009-05-11T01:21:00.005-05:00

...or "Why at this moment in time, a talking dildo would be more fucking useful to this country than anyone that is speaking out for the conservative movement."

We're in the middle of an economic fucking crisis. Two goddamn wars. And a bunch of other bullshit going on. But here is what the conservative pundits are pissed about:

Granted, it's complete monkeyshit that the media made this big of a deal out of the pres. & VP getting a fucking burger. Had he been a vegatarian prior to this point in time, yeah it's fucking noteworthy because it'd be like his meat baptism. But he went out for a fucking burger.

BUT it is way more fucking absurd that the conservative pundits, esp. Hannity & Fucking Laura Ingraham are making such a huge fucking deal out of the WAY he ordered his burger. Sigmund fucking Freud couldn't have made more inferences than they do about the man from the way he orders a fucking burger.

First a look at Laura Fucking Ingraham's insightful fucking comments:

I like how she says how fucking absurd it is that the media's covering it, then proceeds to cover it hersel.

Now I love ketchup. Probably more than anyone I know. But it's not a national fucking crisis that he doesn't get ketchup on his fucking burger. And when the fuck did dijon motherfucking mustard become elitist. Prior to may 6th, Dijon mustard was just a fucking spicy version of mustard. Now that a Democrat president has ordered dijon mustard, it's fucking elitist all of a sudden. I don't think these dumb sons of bitches realized that the Grey Poupon commercials were a fucking joke.

They mocked Obama, acting like him & Biden came in with bottled water. When the fuck did that become elitist. My theory is anything that is fucking sold at fucking WALMART isn't elitist. And on top of that, they didn't even have fucking bottled water with them, so these fucking shitbricks are just pulling shit out of their ass and claiming that Obama did it (for a more dire version of the right doing this, look up the so-called "Obama Enemies List").

If I were her, and had nothing more constructive to do than criticize the way our President eats a fucking hamburger, I would punch myself in the eye until it turned to jelly.

She asks what kind of man wouldn't put ketchup on his burger. If we're going to size up what kind of man the president is, why don't we do it based on a larger, more substantial issue? Say 4 years ago, why wasn't she asking what kind of man the president was to be out in California after New Orleans had been ravaged by a fucking hurricane.

And here's Sean Hannity's comments:

That "fancy burger"... he got it with cheddar & fucking spicy mustard. If Shitbrick Sean would have done any fucking research at all (I know, that's like asking the Pope to go to a fucking Bar Mitzvah), he would have found that Rays Hell Burgers offers many things substantially more "elitist" than fucking Dijon. For example, you can get fucking foie gras and fucking white truffle oil. With all that on the menu, he orders cheddar & dijon and he's still a fucking elitist.

Sean, fuck you. I've had fucking bowel movements that have been more informative than listening to you fucking talk.

The 59th Street Bitch Song

2009-04-22T03:05:00.002-05:00

With the bailouts and stimulus package dominating the news cycle lately, I haven't found much inspiration to write about anything, but I feel it's time to put in my two cents. It's well-established that most of America doesn't like the stimulus bills, and who can blame them since these greedy fucks on Wall Street and the Bernie Madoff assholes of the world have spent the past several fucking over the American people like we're a federal prisoner that dropped the soap. I'm not a big fan of the stimulus packages either. But it's what every top economist is recommending to do, even conservative ones.

What's been really pissing me off though is how Republicans are acting like this whole thing is 100% Obama. What they're forgetting is that the first, and substantially shittier, stimulus package was signed by a fucking Republican president and fucking championed by Mr. Jowly Anti-pork himself, Sen. McCain. How could one so easily forget a fucking presidential campaign (Mr. McCain's) being suspended so he could fucking barnstorm into Washington and champion passing this first stimulus package. Then it failed in the House, which was entertaining, and sure as hell didn't help out his prospects in November. Anyfuckingways, from what I recall, a little over half of this stimulus money has been signed into law by Obama. The other half was signed by Bush, and fucking championed by McCain. Where were the motherfucking tea parties then?

Speaking of which, where was the fucking tea at these tea parties? Personally, if I were a GOP protester and I showed up to bitch & drink tea, and found out there was no tea, I'd be uber-pissed because I fucking love tea.

And I'm all for people's right to protest, but it's a little fucked up that in recent memory fucking Hannitty was talking about what a travesty it was that anyone would question the president, and now he's calling for people to take to the fucking streets in anarchy. It's interesting to see how quickly the sides have shifted roles; now the right-wingers are the radical protesters and the left are bitching about them protesting. Not long ago, the left was protesting and being mocked on Fox News. Now the right is protesting, being mocked on MSNBC, and Fox News is acting like it's incredulous that someone would ever fucking mock protesters. Fuck off Fox News, you'd have to have the memory of a comatose hippopotamus to forget what a bitchstorm you put up anytime someone protested anything during the golden years of the neocon movement.

Truly, this is a serious call to Republicans to stop your fucking bitching, grow a pair, and actually come up with something productive. The Democrats have come up with the bailouts as a plan, what is the Republicans plan? I haven't fucking heard one. Since the Republicans are now the minority opposition party, I think it is their duty to this great country to not just bitch about what the Democrats are doing but to fucking come up with an alternative. If the GOP is so truly fundamentally against the bailouts why don't you stop whining and do something that might be politically risky, and come up with an alternative on how to save our fucking country from this recession. Our country would greatly benefit from having differing constructive opinions instead of just having the Democrats come up with a plan and the Republicans pointing out what all is wrong with it. Fucking come up with a fucking idea of your own.

GOP, you don't like the bailouts. I'm not a big fan of them. Neither are the majority of the citizens of this country. So my question to you is what the fuck are you going to do about it?

-Rev. Joe

P.S. And if you respond to that question with more bitching, I will fucking punch you in the face.

Ecstasy

2009-01-14T00:30:00.006-06:00

This isn't about politics, but it's been bugging the shit out of me lately.

Something's really been chapping my ass today. Tehcno music. I can't fucking stand techno. Tonight I was at the casino, and I heard a techno version of Bob Marley's "Sun is Shining." This really pissed me off. What really gets my piss boiling about techno is that they always take a fucking song that was a good damn song originally, then they fucking chop it up and at a stupid as fucking beat to it then change the damn tempo of the song then all the fuckers that are hopped up on ecstasy go apeshit over it because they liked this song originally and now they can finally do their fucking glowstick dance to this bullshit.

Ecstasy is going to be the downfall of music, because all these fuckers get all hopped on E and they think that everything would be good as techno music, but's not. Fleetwod fucking Mac does not turn into good fucking techno music.

You know what does make good techno music? Fucking Icelandic or Nordic hookers getting some douche bag-looking guys to play a fucking beat with a high fucking pitched keyboard over it, and then the lead singer repeats one or two lines over and fucking over again for 3 & a half minutes. The song would preferably be in another language, too. If it's in this language it should sound like someone with English as a 42nd language wrote the fucking line... something like "Get off your ass, my new jeans are on the street."

Daft Punk proved, you can have a fairly successful techno song using the same formula and uttering only 1 phrase for 4 fucking minutes.

You say you want a rEVOLution...

2008-12-17T19:57:00.003-06:00

Here is why Ron Paul lost:

1) His supporters were so motivated they decided that instead of having a real rally, they'd have one online on the video game World of Warcraft.

2) Dragonforce is a shitty band. Anyone who's supporters like Dragonforce deserves to lose. I mean who the fuck sings about dragons and shit? It's ridiculous, it's not the fucking 80's anymore.

Also, look for the disclaimer at the end of the video- they make sure you know that the Ron Paul campaign didn't organize that rally. A lot of campaigns have get out the vote drives. Apparently, many of Ron Paul's supporters just play a fucking fantasy-world videogame.

Turkey pardoning, Palin-style

2008-11-26T19:20:00.005-06:00

What makes this video even funnier, is that she gave the interview right after she pardoned a turkey. And I love the guy in the background staring at the camera the whole time.

I had 2 phases of reaction to this video. First, I laughed my ass off; 3 weeks ago this woman was a viable candidate for the second-highest office in the land. Now she's giving interviews in front of turkeys being slaughtered.

My second reaction was a bit of melancholy, because I miss seeing her do stupid shit all the time. This is the first new Sarah Palin trainwreck news story I've seen since the election, and I really enjoyed watching her fuck up on the trail. Then I watched the video again, listening to what she actually says, and realized that in a weird way, I miss her annoying the bejesus out of me all the time- I guess it brought a certain consistency to my life that is now missing. Before the election, I'd wake up every day knowing that there would almost certainly be something in the news about Sarah Palin that would really chap my ass. Now I wake up hoping anxiously for the next time a video like this one comes around. So, I'd like to thank Sarah Palin, because her attempts at proving she's a bigger hick than everyone else really amuse the shit out of me.

This is fucking priceless

2008-11-24T23:18:00.002-06:00

I know that after 3 weeks without a post, this isn't quite up to par to make up for it. But it's damn funny nonetheless:

It's now my new goal in life to say the phrase "fuck you" on daytime television and have it air.

Election Night: The Drinking Game

2008-11-03T23:24:00.006-06:00

For every red state that Obama wins, it's one shot. The red states that Obama is competitive in based on the polls (< 10% gap) are Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Arizona, Arkansas, Louisiana, Georgia, North Carolina, Virginia, West Virginia, and Indiana.

Arizona is McCain's home state, so if Obama wins there, it's 2 shots. Since Indiana is quite possibly the reddest state, only voting Democrat 4 times since 1900, it's also 2 shots.

Florida's elections tend to be a clusterfuck of bad things happening, if a winner is called in Florida by 9:30 PM Eastern Time, it's one shot. If Florida has been called by 8:30 PM EST, it's 2 shots.

Missouri is the bellwether state, only voting for the loser in a presidential election one time since 1900. An Obama win here results in another shot.

To up the ante, an Obama win in any battleground state results in a shot. Watch out for the results in Nevada, New Mexico, Colorado, Iowa, Minnesota, Michigan, Missouri, Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania, and New Hampshire.

If you'd like to up the level to "I want to go to the hospital drunk," everytime someone covering the election says "historic" or any form thereof, it's a drink. To up the difficulty level to coma-inducing, anytime the election coverage mentions gender playing an issue in the general election or primary, it's a drink.

Good night, and good luck.

Why Palin might be dumber than Dan Quayle

2008-11-03T06:23:00.003-06:00

Sarah Palin has now said that the media criticizing her infringes on her First Amendment righs. She's completely fucking forgetting that saying she's campaigning negatively isn't infringing on her free speech at all, it's actually exercising that reporter's right to free speech, and the dipshit's completely forgetting that there's other parts to the First Amendment besides free speech; namely, freedom of the press.

Her whole quote was, "If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations, then I don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media."

This makes no fucking sense. It should be appalling that someone who's running for one of the highest offices in the country has no idea what the hell the First Amendment even says, and it is appalling, but considering the source it's not really surprising anymore.

Now for the argument of who's dumber Quayle or Palin:

Quayle can't spell potato.
Palin can't tell you any newspaper or magazine that she reads.

Quayle thinks Mars & Earth are on essentially the same orbit.
Palin thinks that being next to Russia gives her foreign policy experience.

Dan Quayle points out that for NASA, space is still a top priority.
Sarah Palin says that the bailout bill is for people concerned about healthcare reform.

Quayle "loves California. I Practically grew up in Phoenix."
Sarah Palin will "Have to find some and bring 'em to ya!"

Quayle thinks the future will be better tomorrow.
Palin killed the Bridge to Nowhere, and told the Congress "Thanks, but no thanks on that Bridge to Nowhere." (even though she ran for governor on a get the bridge built platform and Alaska ended up getting all the money they wanted for the bridge)

Quayle thinks "We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward."
Palin is convinced that Russia constantly flies into Alaska's air space, and is convinced that Russia, one of our allies mind you, is going to attack us, and do it via Alaska. That's right, they'll march they're happy asses through the most sparsely fucking populated state, killing about 20 eskimos and 2 Alaskans in 18 days, then go all the way through Canada just to finally make it to the continental US where there's actually people. Of course, it would be a brilliant strategical move. Going through the coldest part of a fucking country worked out great for Napolean, I'm sure Russia will be just as successful!

I'm becoming increasingly convinced that you could find a two-assed monkey, hold it in captivity for a day or two, and it would have a better grasp on the American constitution than her.

The press saying you're attacking is threatening the First Amendment to the Constitution? Fuck off.

Plumbertastic International Relations

2008-10-29T21:20:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, Joe the fucking Plumber was campaigning for McCain and he said that getting Obama elected would mean the end of Isreal. First of all, what the fuck is he talking about? Furthermore, when it comes to international relations, I always get my news from an unlicensed plumber because no one knows the intricacies of Middle East peace like someone who unclogs your shitter pipes.

Here's how I like the situation to play out when I call a plumber:

He arrives at the house, with a smile on his face and a toolbox in his hands. I say, "The problem's this way, Bill" (my plumber can't have the same first name as me, so made him Bill the Plumber).

We trapse to the bathroom, and he looks at me and says, "What seems to be the problem."

"Well, Bill the Plumber, here's the problem, my shitter pipes are all clogged up.

"I'll get that fixed for you in no time. While I'm fixing the fucking pipes how about I tell you all about the idiosyncracies of international policy, and the current threats to the unbelievably fragile situation in the Middle East, with a focus on current world events threatening the existence of Isreal? By the way, you shouldn't flush paper towels down, it can really clog up these shitter pipes in no time."

This is getting rifuckingdiculous.

Proving McCain's an Asshole, Episode III: Return of the Bullshit

2008-10-26T23:14:00.003-05:00

In the 2nd presidential debate, where McCain oh so respectfully referred to a United States Senator as "that one," he discussed the need to further investigate the possible ACORN voter registration fraud in the battleground states across America. First, notice how he only gives a shit about the battleground states, and not voter registration fraud everywhere. Here's an ad about Obama's ties to ACORN:

That's a fanfuckingtastic thought, John. However, there are only allegations that ACORN did this and you, Senator, are pissing all over the principle of innocent until proven guilty, which is a core principle of the American justice system. You have implied that Senator Obama has ties to this organization, and therefore has partaken in voter registration fraud. Apparently anyone who has had ties to this organization should be investigated. Well, if they're going to investigate people for ties to ACORN, they should start with you, Senator McCain:

And if I were Obama in the debate, I would have responded to the That One comment with something to the effect of, "You know who was against the Iraq war from the beginning? Me. You know still is for it? Dickcheese," and then point to McCain in case there was any confusion. What an asshole.

Election Day Prediction

2008-10-18T21:27:00.002-05:00

Obama's going to take Missouri. He had a rally in St. Louis today attended by an estimated 100,000 people, which would make his biggest rally in the States. Pictures of it, including an awesome shot of Obama under the Arch can be found here and a shot of the whole crowd here.

With excitement like this in St. Louis, the St. Louis/Kansas City vote for Obama will outweigh any rural Missouri vote for McCain. Should Missouri go for Obama, this would damn near hand Obama the election. It would also keep Missouri's record as the bellwether state for presidential elections- Missouri has voted for the winner in every election but one since 1900 (they voted for Adlai Stevenson the second time he ran against Eisenhower).

New Toss-up State

2008-10-18T21:09:00.005-05:00

Great news- North Dakota is now considered a toss-up state. In the most recent polls, Obama has been up by 2 points there. That makes the 5th red state (others are Indiana, West Virginia, Virginia, and North Carolina) that Obama has a good shot at winning, and in Virginia, he's up b 10 points in the polls. And like many of the others, North Dakota hasn't voted Democrat since LBJ's electoral ass-kicking of Barry Goldwater in 1964. Should Obama win ND, it would be only the 6th time in the last 100 yrs. that a Dem has won the state in the presidential election. They didn't even vote for FDR for his last 2 terms, and those were landslide victories (FDR got 430+ electoral votes in 1940 & '44).

Maybe John McCain should send Sarah Palin there- her pseudo-Fargo accent might go over really well. And while she's there, they could kick her over into Canada because I'm tired of hearing her talk.

Sign of the Times

2008-10-16T22:57:00.005-05:00

We have a family friend who was over at the house the other day; I had just pulled up in the driveway when he came out of the house. He didn't say anything to me, and just went to the bed of his truck. This had confused the shit out of me at the time. He then procured a McCain/Palin sign from the bed of his truck. It was funny as hell, but I couldn't let that stay in my front yard. So I edited it to fit my house better. It's worth noting that I have shitty handwriting in the first place, and I was doing this in the dark, so that's why it's only semi-legible.

Why John McCain Chaps My Ass

2008-10-16T21:30:00.004-05:00

For anyone that wasn't paying attention to politics at the time, in the 2000 Republican primary, John McCain was running against George Bush. Bush won the Iowa caucus, then McCain, painting himself as the maverick candidate, won the New Hampshire Primary in a huge upset. This is the campaign when McCain got a lot of his popularity, when he started the Straight Talk Express. The thought at the time was if McCain could pull off a win in the South Carolina primary, he would have all the momentum, and likely defeat Bush. Bush's campaign had its own plans to stop McCain, and started robocall pushpolling asking people in SC if they'd vote for McCain if they knew he had an illegitimate black child with a New York prostitute. The child McCain had was a child Cindy had adopted from Bangladesh.

Understandably, after this crushing blow to his presidential aspirations, McCain became someone who protested against dirty, negative campaigning and against lying robocalls. He even spoke out agains the Swiftboat campaign leveled against John Kerry in '04.

This is why many Democrats and Independents had a lot of respect for John McCain. This is part of the reason I use to respect John McCain. And it is when considering all of these events, that the recent actions of his campaign become even more shocking & appalling.

McCain's campaign has started robocalls against Obama. The Swampland article by Joe Klein on the calls can be found here. The Huffington Post's story w/ audio of the call can be found here. The call starts out saying they're calling for John McCain & the RNC before cutting to the chase, saying that you "...need to know that Barack Obama has worked closely with domestic terrorist, Bill Ayers, whose organization bombed the U.S. Capitol, the Pentagon, a judge's home, and killed Americans."

First of all, there is no evidence that Obama ever worked closely with Bill Ayers, and according to everyone from Chicago that knows Obama, the relationship was extremely minimal. They served on a board together.
Furthermore, McCain himself fucking said in the debate LAST NIGHT that he "didn't care about some washed up terrorist," that he just cared about how this reflected on Obama's judgment. If he didn't care about trying to prove that Obama's a terrorist, his robocall wouldn't have detailed all of the actions done by the Weather Underground. Now I know that John McCain is not a reliable source for what John McCain and his campaign does and doesn't give a shit about, but this is absurd.

People have reported receiving these robocalls in a shitton of battleground states & red states that McCain might lose- Colorado, Florida, Missouri, New Mexico, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia, West Virginia, and Wisconsin. The big surprises- Maine, a very blue state, and even bigger surprises- the two uber-red states of Texas & Georgia. Maine I can kind of understand, because they split up their electoral votes- 2 votes to the winner of the state overall, and 1 vote to the winner of each of Maine's 2 congressional district. McCain's hoping he can win 1 congresional district- with how far behind he is, this seems absurd to me.
But Texas and Georgia? Why the hell is he even bothering? Is there any chance he'll lose Texas or Georgia?

His calls in Minnesota are very, very likely illegal- Minnesota law requires that all robocalls be preceded by a human voice (which kind of eliminates the point of robocalls), and McCain's call was not preceded by a human voice. I couldn't find what the punishment for this offense was according to Minnesota law, but I doubt anything will happen to the McCain camp for the illegal robocalls. During the '06 midterm elections, there were enough RNC robocalls to people on the no-call list that the RNC could have been fined several millions. However, unsurprisingly, nothing happened.

I'm really disgusted by this whole turn of events. To me, this completes McCain's transformation, with this he went from Anakin to Vader, from some dude to a werewolf, from Captain America to a fucking douche bag. Considering McCain's past, and that dirty campaign tricks like this are what he has rallied against so much since the 2000 primary, this truly represents a new low for him. I'm fucking disgusted by it, and I have not even a shred of respect left for John McCain anymore. The respect I had for him has dropped faster than Rudy Giuliani's numbers in the GOP primary.

If you are disgusted enough by this to do something about it, you can contact the RNC at 202-863-8500. Maybe you can tell them what assholes they're being. Or tell them to fuck off.

And while you're at it, tell them what a fucking douche bag Tucker Bounds is.

Funniest Attack Ad I've Seen

2008-10-15T09:47:00.001-05:00

This is an attack ad from some guy in Kansas running for Senator. It's hilarious. Who ever thought a political ad would so bluntly insinuate that the other candidate has been pissing on the constituency?

You could argue that this ad is tasteless, and it is, but it's also funny as hell.

Chronology

2008-10-13T01:55:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, McCain was talking about the surge in Iraq, and how integral he believes it is to our success there. When phrasing the impeccable stakes that he feels are at hand, he said we can't afford to lose America's first war of the 21st century.

There's only one problem, Senator. Iraq is our SECOND war of the 21st century. How the fuck does he not know this? He's suppose to be the alleged military expert of the 2 candidates. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find a clip of this online- I had originally seen it on CNN.

Personally, if I were Obama, in the next debate I would say "Do you know who STILL forgets about Afghanist?" Then, without looking at him, I'd point in McCain's direction and say "That one."

Then while he was still pondering this, I'd say "That's right, motherfucker!! I just gave you a taste of your own condescending medicine."

... Or maybe I'd just ask him for a butterscotch or a Werther's (since all old people have those) and see if he wanted to go watch Murder, She Wrote.

When the election's over...

2008-10-06T18:40:00.002-05:00

...John McCain is going to owe the American people a gargantuan apology for wasting our fucking time with attacks and smear campaigns in the face of one of the worst economic crises in recent history. He has made a fucking mockery of himself, of the character he use to portray, and most of all anyone in this country whoever believed any of his bullshit.

I regret ever having an ounce of respect for this man. He once portrayed himself as a fucking "maverick" above all the dirt that politicians sling. Now he has run one of the dirtiest campaigns most people have ever seen. Fuck, Karl fucking Rove even called him out on what an assholish, bullshit campaign he's running.

What the hell was Sarah Palin doing in California anyways?

2008-10-05T20:56:00.005-05:00

It's not like she's going to win the state in the election, but nonetheless se was in California today, and again, she showed what an asshole she is.

Madeline Albright had actually said there's a place in hell for women who don't HELP other women. And she was not too happy about Sarah Palin misusing her words. I really didn't need anymore reason to hate Sarah Palin more than I already do, but dammit, I found it. How despicable and shallow do you have to be to say that women should vote for you based solely on the fact that you are a woman? I love how she says that women should vote for her because she's a woman, but then offers no substantive information on why she will make women's lives better. But then again, that does seem to be what this election's GOP campaign is about- telling you that you should vote for them or you shouldn't vote for the Dems without giving you any reason (besides fear of taxes) to vote for them.

And what the hell does she mean, "Let's see how that'll be turned into whatever it's turned into tomorrow in the newspaper"? You don't have to turn it into anything, it's a fucking stupid comment made by a small and shallow person.

Debate Preview

2008-10-02T18:24:00.005-05:00

Some people are predicting a huge Biden win in the debate tonight; some have even gone so far as to say it will be a slaughter. There are 2 reasons I don't think that will happen. First of all, the McCain campaign pushed for a very restrictive format greatly limiting how much each candidate can talk, and greatly limiting exchange between the two candidates- each question can be 2 minutes long, and each candidate response can only be 1 minute in length. Secondly, while undoubtedly Biden has a much firmer grasp on the issues (one could argue having any grasp on issues would be a firmer grasp than Palin), but it would be extremely wrong to assume that the person who "knows the most" in the debate will win. That would be way too reasonable. All too often, it seems like the candidate who knows the least is the one who wins the election (examples below).

Here's my prediction- given the format catered to her lack of knowledge, and her prepping at McCain's ranch in Arizona, I think Palin will fare well for herself. She will make maybe 1 or 2 big gaffes, if any. Mainly, she will stay on message repeating the lines that we've heard over and over from the McCain camp. Oooh, and the hypenated words they love so much can't forget those; I'm sure we'll hear a lot about the Radical Islamo-Extremists and how our country was founded on Judeo-Christian values. The only thing McCain loves more than talking about pork is using words with hyphens.

I think when all is said and done, Biden will have an edge on substance, maybe even only a slight edge because he knows the complexities of the problems Americans face very well, but a minute is scant time to discuss any of those copmlexities. This format is geared towards one-liners. I have no idea why the Obama camp agreed to it. Anyways, Biden has an edge on substance, and I'm predicting that Palin will tie Biden or have a slight edge on style. It's worth noting that my prediction is based on the public & media's perception of who "wins," because I feel in actuality Biden is a more competent debater, has an infinitely more firm grasp on the issues facing America, and is undoubtedly far more qualified than she is.

I'm predicting that after the debate, the narrative will be surprise at how "well" Palin did, because let's face it, expectations of her are so low, she would have to make an almost inconceivably huge gaffe to do as bad or worse than is expected- something to the magnitude of trying to speak about the Declaration of Independence and refer to it as "that thing that our country sent over to England to say we were tired of their malarkey... that letter thing we sent them." Or not being able to name an amendment to the Constitution- but I don't think that would even bury her completely. I mean, Bush & Cheney did get re-elected after using the Constitution as toilet paper and urinal cakes for 4 years.

After the debate, her approval numbers will improve, but not drastically, but it will likely re-energize the republican base, and they will find new things to attack Biden on. There will be some sway back to approval of her from independents but fairly minimal- I'm betting her approval goes up 2-3 points. I think the damage done from her recent interviews is not entirely reversible, but somewhat reversible. In the interviews, I don't think it was entirely her lack of knowledge that hurt her- she could have formulated answers that admitted to not knowing it, but still could have played her off well. For example, on the Supreme Court cases naming, sure it was surprising she couldn't name any Supreme Court case she disagreed w/ apart from Roe v. Wade, but I think where the real damage was done was when she tried to fucking bullshit an answer for 20 minutes. Then it not only reflected poorly on her knowledge of our country, but it reflected poorly on her character, as if she were saying, "I don't know this answer, but I'm too stubborn to admit it, and instead I'll talk in circles for 20 minutes until your head spins and you don't remember the question anymore."

Anyways, on to examples of losing on factuality/knowledge in a debate & winning the election:

Final electoral votes: Bush- 286, Kerry- 251

Final tally: Bush/Quayle- 426, Dukakis/Bentsen- 111

Final tally: Reagan- 489, Carter- 49

This last video is the best example of how Palin could win with style over substance- Carter clearly knew more about the issue discussed, detailing a national health plan, and Reagan just saying he voted for another bill covering the same thing. Then Reagan gave the speech at the end, often cited as the deciding moment in him kicking the shit out of Carter on election day. And if I'm not mistaken, Carter was still ahead in the polls going in to the debate, although it was a tight race, and Reagan went on to beat him by 440 electoral votes and 8.5 million popular votes. Talk about a free-fall.

It's kind of interesting that Carter was talking about national healthcare featuring many, if not all of the features in modern-day proposals in improving our healthcare system (esp. preventetive healthcare) almost 3 decades before it became a big issue in the race today.

Raging Bull(shit)

2008-09-30T18:10:00.005-05:00

Now, I'll agree that Nancy Pelosi's speech was rather partisan, and not entirely appropriate (however, they don't argue about its factuality)- it was done in rather poor taste I felt considering the stakes at hand. And I'm not saying the Dems were entirely faultless, but to think that someone voted down an economic bailout bill based solely on how she hurt their feelings with her fucking speech? Regardless of whether you support or are against the proposed bailout, it would be impossible not to admit that to vote this down based solely on feeling her speech was too partisan is absolutely absurd. This was a bill designed to help get a faltering economy back on its feet.
If John Boehner & other GOP members were so against it, I have a proposal for what they should have done- they should have stopped their fucking crying, put on their big kid shorts, gotten off their fucking naptime cot, realized that recess is over, and come up with a fucking alternative! What the hell does it say about the state of our country if this shit is going on? We have elected leaders who are voting down a huge economic bill that many people have spent countless hours on (and McCain made a huge, wreckless campaign gamble on... actually it was more of a stunt)- voting it down because someone hurt your fucking feelings? What the hell. This is rifuckingdiculous.

Also, I didn't know anything about Barney Frank prior to seeing this video, but kudos to him because that was priceless.

Really, where the fuck do you get the guts to say this bill would have passed if it weren't for her speech? Kiss my ass John Boehner. You've now earned a spot on my shitlist. Lucky for you Tucker Bounds is around, and he's higher on the list. But you're working on it.

John Boehner, much like Tucker Bounds, you are the scum of the Earth- you typify much of what is wrong with American society and you do it with such panache for making the biggest asshole out of yourself possible. Fuck you, John Boehner.

Fox News- more full of shit than a traveling salesman, since 1985

2008-09-29T21:43:00.002-05:00

There was once a time when the mainstream media actually accomplished something of substance, and not just more stories about whether or not Hillary is reall fully supporting Obama or not. A time when one of the biggest political scandals in our country's history was discovered by two diligent reporters. If you're like me, and too young to remember such a magical era, I've posted a video to show you what I'm referring to (I'm talking about the real people this is based on, not Dustin Hoffman & Rober Redford themelves):

Compare that to now- in modern times, we've got the joy that is Fox News, which so often seems something like a painful, inflamed hemorrhoid in the ass of America.

You know what? He's right. Fox News would NEVER make anything up.

Gotcha journalism my ass

2008-09-29T21:25:00.002-05:00

When Katie Couric asked John McCain & Sarah Palin about her response to a voter's question about Pakistan, they said that it was gotcha journalism. This is indicative of one of the big problems with their campaign- if you point out something that they decide later they don't agree with- say, for example, that your foreign policy statement agrees with your opponent more than your running mate- instead of owning up to their mistakes and saying "Hey I fucked up," they blame it on everyone else. In this case, it's the media's fault. Tomorrow it'll be sexism. The day after that it will be anti-Alaskanism. Then it'll be geriophobia (that's a word I made up meaning a fear of old people). I'm sorry it's such a fucking crisis that they have to be held accountable for shit they said. This is just getting absurd. It was a question from a fucking voter in Philafuckingdelphia at a cheesesteak stand, and they're claiming it's "gotcha journalism"? They need to either put on their fucking big kid shorts and stop whining, or go back to fucking daycare- I bet their cot is still open for naptime even.

Palinomics

2008-09-29T20:15:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, I feel sorry for Sarah Palin. I mean, she was governor of one of the smallest states population-wise in the country, just up there hunting moose and shooting wolves out of helicopters, and then John McCain throws her onto the national scene where she has now clue what she's talking about. Then I realize I have the mute button on, and once the volume's back, I realize she annoys the shit out of me.

As if anyone needed anymore evidence, this video is further proof that Sarah Palin is completely and totally full of bullshit. She was asked about the bailout, so naturally she talks about jobs and healthcare, and doesn't mention a fucking word about the bailout.

VP debate and the like

2008-09-29T16:51:00.003-05:00

Today, when talking about the upcoming VP debate, Sarah Palin said, "...but I've been hearing about his Senate speeches since I was like, in second grade."

First of all, excessive use of the word "like" is totally, like, what I want to see in someone while could like be next in line for the presidency.

And when the candidate you're on the ticket with is running to be the oldest person ever elected to the presidency, why in the sam hell would you make fun of your opponent's age? That doesn't, like, make any sense.

Tucker Bounds is so full of shit...

2008-09-29T15:26:00.005-05:00

... that even Fox fucking News is calling him out on it. And calling him out on it a lot. That's serious shit- I mean Fox News is the media tool of the Republican party. It's like a game of Simon Says, but the GOP doesn't even have to speak commandmentss anymore, and Fox News is already doing them. And this guy is such a fucking douche bag that even Fox News is telling him that he's full of shit.

I really can't stand this guy. I want to interview him, to try to understand the complexities of his complex nature better. And by interviewing him to understand his complexities, I really mean that I want to kick the shit out of him for being such an asshole.

I can't even come up with a title for a quote this dumb:

2008-09-26T15:18:00.003-05:00

One of the many key moments in Sarah Palin's Katie Couric interview (did you ever notice that the more interviews she does, the more of a dumbass she seems like?):

Here's my only impression of this video:
"I'll try to find you some and I'll bring em to ya."
Yes!! It'll be like a fucking picnic!!

Why I Think McCain's an Asshole, Episode II: The Bullshit Menace

2008-09-24T17:21:00.003-05:00

Today, McCain temporarily suspended his campaign so he can go back to Washington to deal with Congress's bailout package, and he's pushing for Friday's debate in Oxford, Mississippi, to be suspended. If I believed him, it would be a good thing to do; if I believed hi and if I really believed his presence in D.C. would help out with the debate on the bailout package.

I think he's full of shit.

First of all, with the bitter, divisive, mudslinging campaign he's run, I don't see how the hell having him on Capitol Hill is going to help bipartisan work on a bailout package.

Furthermore, McCain has always been, as he has called himelf the "de-regulator" and against big government. Now he's wanting to go back to Washington to work on the bailout package. Either he was completely full of shit then, or he's full of shit now- I've got my money on all of the above.

Obama has made a statement, saying that the president will have to multi-task, and I definitely agree with him on this one. I mean, if McCain really wanted to adjust the debate based on the bailout legislation, they could, you know, move the fucking debate to Washington. The damn thing doesn't start until 9:00 PM Eastern Time, and I really doubt Congress will be in session at 9 at night. Hell, I'm suprised McCain is still awake at that fucking hour.

I really think this is a political stunt. He has done nothing but run a campaign based on partisan divisions. Now he's slipping in the polls, losing in a almost every battleground state (and several red states are too close for McCain's comfort), his campaign has lost momentum, and I think people have become tired of his excessively negative campaign, many of its ads being based on nothing even resembling the truth. What do you do when the negative mudslinging strategy has stopped working? You act like you're fucking St. John, the guy who's so honorable he would never launch a partisan attack.

I guess keeping Sarah Palin locked up tighter than a violent criminal in a mental hospital got too boring.

New Battleground Polls

2008-09-23T23:30:00.002-05:00

New battleground polls from Quinnipiac University, washingtonpost.com, and The Wall Street Journal show Obama up in all 4 battleground states surveyed. Here's the results (margin of error was 2.6-2.7 points).
COLORADO: Obama 49 – McCain 45
MICHIGAN: Obama 48 - McCain 44
MINNESOTA: Obama 47 - McCain 45
WISCONSIN: Obama 49 - McCain 42

If Obama wins all these states he's ahead in- only Minnesota was within the margin of error- plus all of the ones that CNN predicts him to win, that would put him at 269 electoral votes. Just 1 shy of winning the presidency.

Also an ABC/Washington Post poll conducted on September 18-21 showed Obama up by 3 points; 49-46. This is huge news- Virginia is a really red state. The only time Virginia voted for a Democratic president since the 40's was when they voted to re-elect LBJ in '64, and that year LBJ won the highest percentage of the popular vote any candidate has won since 1820 (that record still stands- even Reagan couldn't beat it).

Mighty Morphin' Republican Ranger

2008-09-21T16:03:00.002-05:00

Some would argue that McCain's transformation from an actual maverick who detested negative campaigning into a mudslinging candidate who has come to fall in line with the GOP on virtually every issue is remniscient of this:

However, I would argue that it is more remniscient of this:

Like Mitt Romney before him, McCain now seems like a lifeless, manufactured, reanimated version of past Republicans who have achieved greatness. Only McCain has been a bigger asshole than Romney, which is quite a feat.

Geography = Foreign Relations 101?

2008-09-21T12:52:00.003-05:00

Watch this video...

...and try not to have an aneurysm thinking about how dumb it is.

I'll get to how bullshit I think it is that he says she probably knows more about energy than anyone in America in another post (that one'll take a while and I don't have time at the moment).
On to the last half of the video- now even John McfuckinCain is saying that Alaska being close to Russia gives her international experience. What the fuck? Now it was incredibly dumb when anyone says it, but I could understand one of the tools from Fox News saying that, and I never took Cindy for being exceptionally bright, so I could see her believing that. But this guy is running for leader of the free fucking world and he believes that Alaska being close to Russia makes her qualified to be Vice fucking President? What really chaps my ass about the whole deal is that a shitton of people trust him more with foreign policy experience than Obama, and he fucking says stupid shit like this. First of all, the part of Russia Alaska is next to is fucking Siberia- there is jack shit in Siberia. Furthermore, the 2 parts of Alaska she's governed at are damn near as far away from Russia as you can be in Alaska. Wasilla is right by the southern coast in cenral Alaska, and Juneau is on the very southeastern part of Alaska. Alaska's such a massive state that Juneau is damn near closer to fucking Delaware than Russia.

I should drop out of pharmacy school- I never realized until now how qualified I was to be captain of a barge since I live right by the Mississippi fucking River.

Lookin' Out My Back Door

2008-09-21T12:25:00.002-05:00

If Sarah Palin's time in Alaska was so unanimously adored among Alaskans, and she was such a saintly executive leader, then why is the McCain campaign staff forcing all questions about Palin's time in office there or about Troopergate being diverted to the McCain campaign instead of state officials who were actually there? And now that she is the VP candidate, why is she refusing to comply with an investigation (Troopergate) that she originally promised to comply with? The Anchorage Daily News has reported that even many Alaskans are incredibly frustrated that their governor has basically let the McCain campaign take over the governor's office. It doesn't sound like St. Sarah is such a reformer after all.

Furthermore, if she's as uber-experienced as the McCain camp would have you believe, then why do they insist the VP debate have shorter question-and-answer sessions and less opportunity for exchange between the candidates than the Presidential Debates? I guess they want to avoid as many questions as possible about Doctrines.

Maybe if all the questions were about what you can see from your house they wouldn't be as nervous about a back-and-forth between the candidates.

Re: Dr. Bullshit... comment

2008-09-20T13:56:00.010-05:00

In regards to my post, Dr. Bullshit or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Hate Steve Schmidt, an anonymous commenter said the following:
"You didnt mention how Obama would not go see the troops in Iraq because he could not bring his press. If you ask me, that seems like he is a pretty big dusch, only looking out for himself. VOTE McCAIN!!!!!"

First of all, it's "douche." "Dusch" isn't a word, yet, so you have inspired me to coin it as a word and give it definition. From henceforth, "dusch" shall be pronounced "duh-sh" and shall be defined as "a fucking awesome person." So I'm glad you agree that Obama is a dusch. Here's a pictorial example differentiating the original word from it's fairly similar-looking antonym, the newly coined word-

Douche:

And now a great example of a dusch:

Coincidentally, this dusch is also a serious badass.

And now on to your former assertion that "Obama would not go see the troops in Iraq because he could not bring his press;" you are completely and totally fucking wrong on that. As a matter of fact, after the word "Obama," you don't say a damn thing in the sentence that is actually true. I'll Tarantino this one: start it with the end- showing what your sentence should have said to be factually correct, and then break it down for you. Here would be the correct sentence (corrections have been made in all caps, hence why this sentence is damn near all caps)- "Obama COULD not go visit the injured troops in GERMANY because THE PENTAGON WOULD NOT LET HIM, because HE ONLY HAD CAMPAIGN STAFF AND NO OTHER SENATORS OR SENATE STAFF. HE INTENDED TO TAKE THE TRIP TO SEE THE INJURED TROOPS WITHOUT THE MEDIA, JUST AS HE HAD DONE IN IRAQ."

Now for the foggy mountain breakdown:
First of all, the injured troops in question were in Germany not fucking Iraq.
Second of all, Obama could have done what Sarah Palin did when she said she had visited Iraq, and claim he did something that he didn't do at all.
The Pentagon told Obama not to go since his fellow Senators and his Senate Staff were not with him; he never intended to take press with him. Senator McCain had said if the Pentagon told him this there would be a "seismic event." Obama felt that oing with only his campaign staff would drag the injured troops into an increasingly negative campaign; he didn't want it to be believed thathe was using the injured troops for political gain. Instead, McCain used them.

Furthermore, the McCain campaign issued an attack ad (can be seen here- again, I refuse to post this piece of shit on my blog), stating that Obama had time to go to the gym but not visit troops. In the ad, when the announcer was talking about this, it showed Obama playing basketball, leading you to believe he played b-ball instead of visiting troops. Well guess what? The basketball game it showed him playing was WITH THE FUCKING TROOPS IN KUWAIT!

Here's a news report about the debacle to back me up & prove that unlike McCain, I'm not completely full of shit:

Oh, and one last thing. If your accusation of Obama not visiting the troops because of not being able to bring press were true(again, the troops in question were in fucking Germany, and the latter part was a McCain lie debunked months ago), then how do you explain the fact that Obama has received far more donations from troops than McCain? It's worth notin that this report (video below) was before McCain's spending limit kicked in, so using that as a reason to explain is a complete logical fallacy and completely untrue.
To back up the news report, I did a little personal research. Eeryone that donates to a political campaign must list their employer, and the FEC tracks all of this. I did a search on FEC's website for people who donated to campaigns listing military, Air Force, Army, Navy, or US Marine Corps as their employer. The results? Obama received susbtantially more than McCain did. Obama even received more donations from the Navy than McCain did, and McCain received no donations from anyone listing the Air Force as their employer. Hell, even fucking Ron Paul got more donations from service people than McCain did. I rest my case.

Boo yah.

Dr. Bullshit or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Hate Steve Schmidt

2008-09-18T17:10:00.008-05:00

Today, McCain's chief strategist Steve Schmidt, who likes kind of like this:

said that the Obama campaign is using the failing economy for political gain. I disagree completely, and think that Steve Schmidt is quite the asshole. He's fucking Karl Rove's croney, and follows so gallantly in Sir Karl's footsteps, which gives him no fucking room to talk about anyone else using something for political gain.

So I thought I would make a (probably incomplete) list of things that McCain's camp has used for political gain:

1) The wounded troops- this ad is especially disgraceful and especiallly bullshit, even though it has some serious competition from McCain this campaign season
2) Moses
3) The collective fear of not wanting a pedophile preying on America's children
4) Winston fucking Churchill, Teddy Roosevelt, the fact that he was a POW, and space & time travel in the same ad
5) And big fucking suprise, people's fear of higher taxes (even though Obama will help out working families far more than McCain)
6) Taxes again
7) Hillary Clinton's primary campaign
8) If Obama's used the economy for political gain, then this sure as shit is, with a dash of taxes again. The same for this one.
9) And probably not the worst of all of his, but still incredibly shameless & low, playing on people's fear.
10) Ronald Reagan

That's right Steve Schmidt, fuck you. I just kicked your ass. And you deserved it because you're an asshole. What's that? Only 10 you say? Well, Steve, that's all I've got time for, and if I were to try to prove you wrong on every bullshit campaign statement made, it wouldn't be a fulltime job- I'd be working on it 168 hours per week. But mark my words Steve, try it again and I'll come back with 10 more. That's right, motherfucker!

The Bush is Back

2008-09-18T17:00:00.000-05:00

This is fucking absurd. Palin wrote a letter to the Alaska legislature saying her sobpeonaed aides in the governor's office won't testify in the Troopergate scandale, ignoring their subpoenas. Why are they doing this? Because she disagrees with the grounds of the investigation, feeling it's unwarranted? No. It's fucking not. In the letter she wrote to the Alaska legislature, Sarah Palin didn't say anyfuckingthing about the accusations being unfounded.

She objects because then the people subpoenaed would be forced to choose there loyalty between her and the Alaska legislature. Sounds kind of familiar- placing loyalty above all else.

Anyways, here's what I think it really is- a bunch of horseshit. If I do remember correctly, and the McCain website banner verifies that I do, the McCain/Palin main campaign theme is "Country First." How the fuck are we suppose to believe she'll put country of 305 million people first if she can't even put her state of 680 thousand first? That's a bunch of bullshit.

Eye of the Tiger

2008-09-17T21:48:00.001-05:00

A new CNN/Time Battleground poll conducted from Sep. 14-16, show some great news for Obama's standing. I'd go so far as to say it's fanfuckingtastic.
Here's what they found:
Florida: Obama 48, McCain 48
Indiana: McCain 51, Obama 45
North Carolina: McCain 48, Obama 47
Ohio: Obama 49, McCain 47
Wisconsin: Obama 50, McCain 47
Margin of error ranges from 3-3.5 points

Before the RNC, he had been further ahead in Wisconsin, so it is unfortunate his lead has slipped there. Here's why I think it's good news overall:

First of all, Florida is fucking full of old people. People like to vote for candidates they can relate to, which makes McCain have a big advantage with the fake hip demographic. People voted for Bush because he was someone they wanted to have a beer with. I think Florida old people would vote for John McCain because they feel he's someone they could see themselves waiting at McDonald's at 5 fucking 30 AM before the door opens, then talking about how Viagra has changed their lives over a cup of senior citizen-priced coffee. They may have hotcakes too... actually I'm not sure if their generation calls them hotcakes or flapjacks (pancakes to my generation). Also, and somewhat less exciting, during the primary, winning in Florida is what cemented McCain as the frontrunner in the GOP primary, giving Floridians a substantial stake in his success. Obama tying with McCain there in the polls is big news in my book.

Ohio & Wisconsin are both battleground states, so the statistical tie in both states is nothing exceptional.

Indiana & North Carolina, though, are huge fucking news. Indiana is a red state. North Carolina is a red state. Democrats aren't suppose to win in red states. The last time NC voted for a Dem for president was 1976 for Jimmy Carter (before that, the last time was 1964 for LBJ). North Carolina's definitely a sold red state, but Indiana is damn near as far from a battleground state that you can get. Indiana has voted Democratic 4 times since 19fucking00. And Obama is only 6 points behind there. You remember how exciting it was to see Rocky, the underdog, beat Apollo Creed? This would be a lot like that. Except Apollo Creed is 20 ft. tall can bench press the entire borough of Manhattan, and takes enough steroids to kill a herd of elephants (real ones).

Here's a video I found that fits that analogy excessively well, even though it's primary-geared:

Damn, I miss the primary season.

Re: Tucker Bounds is Back

2008-09-16T20:06:00.004-05:00

In the last video I posted of Tucker Bounds (on 9/15/08), he stated with respect to the Bridge to Nowhere that early in Sarah Palin's career- early in her career? It was 2 fucking years ago! Well... I guess it was early in her career. I stand corrected.
Anyways, he said that Sarah Palin was the one that drove the nail in the coffin that killed the Bridge to Nowhere. She wasn't the nail in the fucking coffin- that's horse shit. She was more like the nail stuck in the bottom of someone's shoe who was putting flowers on the Bridge's grave long after the coffin had been sealed, people had paid their respects at the Bridge's wake, a funeral & funeral procession had been held- followed by a graveside prayer, the coffin was placed in a concrete vault 6 ft. underground, covered in dirt, and the grass had long grown over the gravesite.

Point being- Tucker Bounds is completely full of shit. And I hate him.

I damn near had a stroke today

2008-09-16T13:12:00.006-05:00

I was on wikipedia today, looking for info on Schlafly beer because that shit is delicious. When you search for Schlafly, there's 3 results- the beermaker, Phyllis Schlafly- an american conservative activist, and lastly & most importantly (well if it was the weekend, he wouldn't be the most important), Andrew Schlafly- the inventor of Conservapedia. This peaked my interest, so I looked into it some.

Turns out Conservapedia is a wiki-based web encyclopedia that is, according to wikipedia, is "written from an Americentric, socially conservative, and Conservative Christian point of view." Here's my question: WHY THE FUCK DOES AN ENCYCLOPEDIA NEED A POINT OF VIEW??
I have a theory on how this came to be. Someone was reading the encyclopedia and said, "These facts don't agree with my motherfucking opinions so they must be wrong." Then they created their own encyclopedia so that they, and everyone like them who doesn't ever want to come across (I'm going to call them "opinion fascists") any collection of words that ever disagrees with their point of view. So the opinion fascists created a fucking bubble, and that bubble is Conservapedia.

Upon investigation, I found out that Conservapedia puts Fox News to shame. What could be so different about a conservative encyclopedia, you may ask, especially if it's The Trustworth Encyclopedia? Here's what's fucking different- look at the article on evolution. Do you know what the first picture is in this article? Darwin? Nope that's not it. A monkey? Nope, wrong again. It's Hitler. Adolf fucking Hitler. It's an "encyclopedic" article about evofuckinglution and they have a picture of Adolf Fucking Hitler. And it gives a quote of him using evolution to explain why he thinks races shouldn't intermingle. After the 8-line long Hitler quote it says, "Charles Darwin was also a racist."

Another one that really pissed me off is in the Obama article; it says, "If elected, Obama would be the first Affirmative Action President." You know what? They're right- the executive branch hadn't hit their fucking 'black quota,' so he's just going to get handed the job. That's the most fucking absurd thing I've heard in my life.

Some other interesting claims:
1) The article about overcoming homosexuality is longer than the article for Andrew Jackson (he was a President, by the way), Thomas Jefferson, Lyndon Johnson, and the fucking Watergate scandal, and I've met 2nd graders that could write a better article on Kennedy.
2) They suggest Bill Clinton may haveused cruise missiles to manipulate polls
3) Environmentalists want to "protect" the environment (that's really in quotes on the actual page) instead of as they put it, "letting humans take dominion over it."

The article on atheism is interesting- because of how many problems they relate to atheism. For example, apparently atheism is linked to mass murder. There's just too damn many other things they cite as being due to atheism to list here.

In the Conservepedia article on John Kerry, it is claimed that Swiftboat Veterans for Truth and several other groups, and I quote, "were started to counter the charges of 'war crimes' Kerry repeatedly made against Vietnam veterans..." To act like SBVT was started for any reason other than to call falsely call Kerry's military record into question is a fucking joke. They even claim "The Swift Boat veterans had an extra reason to be enraged: John Kerry had been one of theirs and was using his service for political ends." Yeah, and SBVT didn't fucking use their serice for political ends? Fuck that. I know of few fucking attacks in politics that have been so full of holes, and have been documented as being as full of holes. They shat on their service to their country in order to get George fucking Bush elected.

Wikipedia's article on Conservapedia, the 10th reference cited is entitled "Conservepedia: as accurate as a catatonic drunkard's line of urine." Haha, I could not have put it better myself.

I've got to stop now, my stomach lining is having trouble handling the ulcer developing from doing the research for this post.

Tucker Bounds is Back

2008-09-15T19:31:00.005-05:00

Watch this video...

...and just try, just try to tell me that you don't want to punch this guy in the fucking face. Because I know it's a lie. Because he is the epitome of someone who is a "fucking douche bag."

My second favorite part of the video? When he said "... yeah, full flop. Very sophisticated." Fuck this guy, he's an asshole- what a smug son of a bitch.

My favorite part? When I pretended I was repeatedly kicking him in the ribs & it got him to shut the hell up, and I never had to hear from Tucker Bounds ever again.... and then the world was a happy place, if only for a little while...

Sonofabitch...

2008-09-15T18:25:00.002-05:00

I just heard a McCain spokesman on Hardball try to say we're better off now than we were 8 years ago. How in the sam hell does she figure that? Gas prices have tripled, we went from having the largest budget surplus in our history the biggest budget deficit in history, the national deficit has gone up by approximately $5 trillion, we're entrenched in a war that the majority of the country is against, and we've lost an immense amount of international good will. So how the fuck are we better off than 8 yrs. ago? Is the fact that the entire Lord of the Rings Trilogy has come out in the past 8 yrs. suppose to make up for all that? Or maybe the McCain spokesman is a big fucking Harry Potter fan, and she can ignore all of the fiscal, domestic, and international relations disasters of the Bush Era as long as she has her Harry Potter movies.

Head-in-Ass-Syndrome

2008-09-14T21:49:00.004-05:00

I know I've already posted this once, but it's so incredibly stupid, I feel obligated to post it again. Really, if I was as stupid as this guy, I'd wrap my finger in copper wire and stick it in an electrical outlet while sitting in a bathtub full of water. How do you get your head that far up your own ass?

Wow.

2008-09-14T20:16:00.002-05:00

Running a dirtier campaign than Karl Rove. That's like over-acting more than Adam West or William Shatner, or dressing more flamboyantly than Liberace, or being more annoying than Celine Dion, or being a less talented actor than Keanu Reeves-- it seemed fucking impossible. Until now.

Emesis

2008-09-13T19:43:00.004-05:00

I'm pretty sure if I hear McCain say one more time that Senator Obama's judgment is poor because he was against the surge, I'm going to fucking vomit. He misses the damn point. If we hadn't got in this absurd war, it wouldn't fucking matter if the surge worked or not, dipshit.

Arithmetics

2008-09-13T15:38:00.002-05:00

The McCain campaign incessantly touts Sarah Palin as the country's most popular governor. The number I've most frequently heard for her approval ratings is 80%, so that's the percent I shall use. Also, I'm unsure if the polls are among registered voters or general population. For simplicity's sake, I'm going to use general population numbers.

According to the census bureau's 2007 estimate, Alaska has 683,478 people. 80% approval rating would mean that 546,782 approve of her. Let's translate that to other states. In California, Gov. Schwarzenegger would have a 1.5% approval rating with those numbers. In Florida, Gov. Crist would have a 3% approval rating. Illinois' extremely assholish governor would have 4.3% approval with those numbers. Even in Hawaii, that's only a 42.6% approval rating. In Ohio, it would be 4.8% approval. In New York, it would be 2.8%

While the state of Alaska does seem to approve o her very highly as a governor, I feel it's somewhat misleading to tout her as the nation's most popular governor in the country. Shortly before the recall election in California, Governor Gray Davis had a 24% approval rating. Even if Palin had 100% approval in Alaska, the amount of people approving of his job was 12 times higher than what hers could ever be, and he got fucking kicked out of office.

Babysitting

2008-09-13T15:08:00.005-05:00

In an article by politico.com, they reveal that during McCain's interview on the view (haven't had the patience/enough antacids to watch the whole thing), John McCain said with respect to the proposed townhall debates, "If we had done what I asked Senator Obama to do... I don't think you'd see the tenor of this campaign."

Here's what I got from this- McCain wanted to do townhall debates, Obama didn't agree, so now McCain is throwing a temper tantrum like a fucking 4 year old. This isn't fucking daycare, it's a campaign to be the leader of the free fucking world. If this is how McCain responds to not getting his way, what the hell is he going to do as President? Is he going to say, "If Putin wouldn't of attacked Georgia, I wouldn't have called him a doody-head"? Seriously, this is rifuckingdiculous.

In the same article, a McCain spokesman, Brian Rogers, tried to argue that the McCain camp tried to run a high-ground campaign and sought to keep the candidate in front of the media in the fashion he enjoys. I'll look into this more later, but from personal memory, I don't remember McCain's campaign ever trying the high-ground anytime after Obama received his party's nomination. They certainly use to be substantially more civil than they are now, but saying they tried the high-road is patently bullshit. His point he was trying to make was that they tried to be civil, but no one gave them any attention, so they decide to throw a pouting fit. This is fucking absurd, again, it's like being back in fucking daycare. I know it's unfortunate that no one changed their diapers soon enough, and I know that it's hard not to cry when teacher's saying it's naptime but you want to play on the playground some more, but fuck, grow up a little bit. Son of a bitch, they need to put they're fucking "big boy" (and girl) shorts on. They could at least switch to fucking Huggies pull ups and be a "big kid now." This is fucking pathetic. Will UN negotiations not go the way we want them to, and we'll shit our pants to show them who's boss? This is ridamndiculous.

Rogers also said, “We recognize it’s not going to be 2000 again... but he lost then. We’re running a campaign to win. And we’re not too concerned about what the media filter tries to say about it.” What the fuck does he mean by this? He fucking means that in 2000 they lost, and they weren't full of shit. So if you lose not being full of shit, you must fucking win if you are completely, and totally full of shit. I mean, McCain's campaign would put ambulance chasers to shame in how fucking full of shit they are. You could take all the fucking sewer plants in the country, put them in a big shit-filled clusterfuck, and that would be less full of shit than the McCain campaign. So what does he mean by the second half? He is insinuating that they want to win no matter what. And, by saying they're "not too concerned about what the media filter tries to say about it," what they really mean is that they don't give a shit if they get called out on their bullshit. They're just going to come up with more bullshit, and more bullshit, until the people in the media are so overworked trying to put out the truth, they fucking collapse from exhaustion. Personally, I think it's great to see the media doing their fucking job, and not just talking about whether Obama and Hillary have really made up or all the other bullshit that gets talked about that would be better placed in a fucking soap opera.

New Debate Format

2008-09-12T20:24:00.003-05:00

This video gave me an idea for a new debate format. It won't be Republican vs Democrat. It will be McCain vs Palin and they will see who can out-bullshit the other one. That would be a spectacle for the ages; by the end of it, I guarandamtee we would find out that Iraq actually invaded us.

This is fucking absurd. This isn't a damn dog race, it's the fate of our fucking country, and according to the polls half of the country wants to fucking support these candidates who can't answer a direct question, and when presented with their own quotes from the past they either deny saying them (McCain), asshole-ishly say something to the effect of "Maybe you know more about my record than me" (McCain again), or just fucking lie about what it was they said (Palin, when she obviously meant something different than she said she did in the interview).

My blood pressure just shot up 20 points today

2008-09-12T17:13:00.005-05:00

During her interview with Charlie Gibson, Sarah Palin didn't know what the fuck the Bush Doctrine is. She's a candidate for Vice Fucking President; she would be the heir apparent to be leader of the free world. And she doesn't fucking even know what the Bush Doctrine IS? She not only didn't know the details, she didn't even know that it fucking exists!
Here's the video:

I know what you're thinking after seeing something that dumb from a strong contender to be the person who would be the heir to the leadership of the free fucking world. I know what you're thinking, and I ask you, please put down the fucking razor; you've got a lot to live for, even if millions of people in our country are smitten with this dipshit.
Anyways, as I was saying, what the fuck? I mean, I know she went to 5 fucking colleges in 6 damn years, but how fucking stupid can you be? If I met someone on the street who didn't know what the Bush Doctrine was, it wouldn't be stupid and I wouldn't think any less of them. But
they're not running for national fucking office!

What would happen to our country if she ended up at the fucking helm? I've got video to show you:

That's right, it would be a fucking 90 miles per hour trainwreck. But the interview goes on, and in fine Tucker Bounds (asshole) fashion, she says a shitton of stuff, but nothing anywhere near answering the question. Kind of remniscient of something I've seen in a movie before...

She was asked what is at its most essential form a fucking yes or no question, and she showed she can tapdance around the simplest questions with the best of them. It's rifuckingdiculous. On top of that, I don't know if I've ever fucking heard someone sound so condescending when they didn't have any fucking idea what the hell they're talking about. "Well, Charlie... you see, Charlie... we must, Charlie." How the hell can you be that condescending on something you're copmletely fucking clueless about? She annoys the hell out of me.

I have never liked Matt Damon as much as I do now

2008-09-12T17:09:00.000-05:00

Matt Damon told the AP why he doesn't like Sarah Palin at all. Here's the video:

My personal favorite:
"I want to know if she really thinks dinosaurs were here 4,000 years ago. That's important- I want to know that. I really do. Because she's going to have the nuclear codes."

4 More Years

2008-09-11T17:46:00.004-05:00

Today, the Associated Press reported that Sarah "new-clear" Palin's administration is threatening the Alaskan Legislature with legal action to block subpoenas of her staff in the legislature's investigation of Troopergate.

Now who does that remind me of? Giving the legislature a big "fuck you" when a subpoena is issued?

Somewhat, but definitely more shrewd than that Curious George.

Warmer, but I think there's a good chance she's more full of shit than Rove.

Bingo.

Damnation & Icicles

2008-09-11T15:59:00.002-05:00

This was the sight seen by anyone watching Fox News today:

Here's what caused the freezing over of the abyss:

"For anyone to say that Barack Obama consciously compared Mrs. Palin to a pig is unfair."
-BILL O'REILLY,
Fox anchor, blasting the McCain campaign and the media for insinuating that the Democrat's use of the phrase "lipstick on a pig" referred to the Republican vice-presidential nominee

I really don't know how to respond. The world has now become a confusing & frightening place. Bill O'Reilly... defending Obama ... while blasting McCain... and even most suprisingly, not being an asshole. What the fuck? I guess the Grinch's heart grew 3 sizes today.

Patriotism

2008-09-08T19:36:00.005-05:00

I am a bit near-sighted, but I don't see a fucking flag pin.

Still no flag pin.

Is that a flag pin??!! No wait it's a fucking lapel microphone.

Betsy Ross must be rolling over in her damn grave.

Your lapel is suprisingly bare, Old Man River.

Is that a flag pin? No it's just some bullshit patch. Do you think McCain had that awkward-ass half smile surgically implanted on his face? You know what would make this picture way better? If you cut out McCain and just had that guy from The Office because that show is fucking awesome.

Again, McCain is not wearing a flag pin. I couldn't find a single picture where McCain was wearing a flag pin. There's far more pictures, I just can't stand to look at him any longer.

So what was the point of this post? Was it to prove that McCain's unpatriotic because he doesn't wear a flag pin? No- I think it's a bunch of horseshit that people actually think a lapel reflects a candidate's patriotism more than anything else they do. It's to prove that Republican/conservative pundits that were attacking Obama for not wearing his flag pin are hypocritical assholes.

Proving McCain is an Asshole, Episode I: The Bullshit Strikes Back

2008-09-08T19:11:00.006-05:00

A little over a month ago, McCain released an ad attacking Obama for his popularity around the world. He tagged Obama as a celebrity, completely fucking ignoring the fact that Obama's popularity is due to how inspirational people find his message. Anyways, if you need a reminder of this bullshit commercial, here's the link (I refuse to post that piece of shit on this blog).

Yesterday, on Face the Nation, McCain was asked about Sarah Palin's qualifications. McCain insisted that her "record of reform" and her POPUFUCKINGLARITY qualify her to be VP. He's really making my job way too easy at this point. It's just a damn shame that about 50% of the registered voters don't realize it.

More on what he said can be found here.

I don't think it's necessary to comment on why this is a bunch of monkeyshit. I temporarily rest my case.
Be on the lookout for Episode II: The Asshole Strikes back.

Runnin' With the Devil

2008-09-08T11:28:00.002-05:00

Sarah Palin's youngest son is named Trig Paxson Van Palin. Now, I love Van Halen as much as the next person, but I would never name a kid so that his name rhymes with the band name. That's just ridiculous.

Her other kids are named Track, Bristol, Willow, and Piper. Even if I were Republican, I would never vote for someone that gives their kids names that stupid. It'd be like voting for Angelina Jolie for VP.

If I had genital herpes, it would annoy me less than Tucker Bounds

2008-09-08T01:43:00.000-05:00

Political Tetris

2008-09-08T00:58:00.003-05:00

This is a little late, but I've been busy. Prior to the Democratic Convention, the GOP and their marionette pundit puppets made a huge deal out of the fact that during his convention speech, Obama would have Greek columns behind him. Apparently somehow, Greek columns signify that one is messianic, self-obsessed, and well, an asshole. So I thought we would analyze other people who have shown their asholishness by being surrounded by Greek columns. I believe they even referred to it as a "Barackopolis."

Lincoln, he was a real asshole. Neverfuckingmind the fact that he steered our country through what was likely the most divisive time in its history. Nevermind the fact that he's oft considered one of the, if not the, greatest president of all time. He's a damn asshole. How do I know? The GOP told me so- because he's surrounded by Greek columns. Damn that Lincolnopolis.

The current resident of this Executive Branch-opolis is certainly an asshole.

Although, I think he's certainly an asshole, it is terribly hypocritical for the GOP to slam Obama for using Greek columns when their chosen one clearly gave his '04 acceptance speech amidst a Dubya-opolis.

And last but not least the biggest asshole of them all, being portrayed in this Old as Shit-opolis.

Football

2008-09-05T11:34:00.003-05:00

In response to an email from Josh:

Josh, I think you'd be more accurate to say the majority of Republicans are "un-informed" rather than "un-educated." Alot of them have fucking fancy-ass private school educations. Just their heads are too far up their own (and Fox News') asses to know shit about what's going on in the world. Here's food for thought about the fair & balanced news coverage- Fox News watchers are a more reliably Republican voting bloc than fucking conservatives. Only 7-9% of ppl. that watch Fox News regularly vote anything besides republican. Fucked up shit. Now on to my bitching.

That's all the race is to a lot of them- a fucking football game. In olden times, in England, rich ass motherfuckers would ride their fucking horses and play fucking polo. Modern day rich-ass white folk have bigger ambitions than that. They want to pummel our world into agreeance with their dim, dismal view of things. But they're not too concerned w/ it, as rich-ass-motherfucking white folks aren't too concerned with a whole lot of things besides staying rich. Thus, it seems like a football game to them. Here's the fucked up thing. In England back in the day, you never saw motherfuckers on polo horses trying to convince the masses that those who don't agree with them are actually the rich-ass motherfuckers because they're "on the ground playing croquet" or some other bullshit. THat didn't happen. Now, in our modern day American football game that is GOP politics, the rich ass white fuckers in charge do exactly that. They're all being rich as shit, wearing $520 shoes and owning more homes than they can fucking remember (Alzheimer's is a real bitch, Mr. McCain), and then they convince the masses that it's actual their opponent that's a rich-ass elite motherfucker because he fucking windsurfs. I've got fucking news for them, there are a shitton of working class people that live near the coast that fucking windsurf as a hobby. It's not like you have to have an ivy league education to windsurf.

And now apparently, community organizing is something to be laughed at as an elitist ploy to seemlike the common man. FUCK THEM. Obama could have graduated from law school, and taking a very, very high paying lawyer (he had the opportunity to make a shitton of money out of school), but he fuckin didn't do it. He wanted to improve a community of underprivileged people. Wanted to help out commonfolk who were struggling to get by. AND NOW the motherfuckers are making fun of him for it. That's fucked up... Oh yeah, he helped out underprivileged people, what an asshole. That's really way more assholish than lobbying for $27 FUCKING MILLION in fucking PORK BARREL SPENDING money for your town of fucking 7,000 fucking people. That's $3,857.14 for every fucking citizen of that town in pork spending, and now that crazy ass is the running mate of Mr. Anti-pork himself. Mr. cut fucking wasteful spending picked someone who originally supported the bridge to nowhere before she was against.

Wait a minute. She supported it... then was against it. I stand corrected, her and McCain are a match made in fucking senior home heaven.

Fuck them. And fuck the bullshit games they're trying to play on the American people.

Tucker Bounds is like an inflamed hemorrhoid, only a much bigger pain in the ass

2008-09-03T16:51:00.002-05:00

McCain refused to do a scheduled interview w/ Larry King b/c his spokesman was an unprepared douchebag and couldn't answer a very appropriate line of questioning. He couldn't say what she's done as commander of Alaska National Guard- where if he would of known what he's talking about, he would of known he sent them out to fight fires. Damn idiots.

2008-09-02T21:32:00.000-05:00

So Fred Thompson is talking at the RNC. Tried to say Palin is more experienced than Obama. He also said "The other side would make you think we're in a depression and that we've lost the respect of the world." I wished I lived in a bubble that thick. The fucking crowd of the walking dead & people in cowboy hats ate that shit up. He also said we're (among other things) the most prosperous nation in the world. I'm not sure how accurate that satement was. I mean, Belgium and Japan both have higher standards of living.

He also just said Obama's the most inexperienced person to ever run for president. Jesus tapdancing Christ, how do these people convince themselves of this shit?? Can't wait till Lieberman's speech- that'll be a fucking clusterfuck of intuitive intelligence. Now Fred's talking about how the Dems are just going to tax the shit out of you. This line of attack is probably the only thing in politics older than John McCain himself.

2008-09-02T21:10:00.000-05:00

At the RNC they just had a video about Ronald Reagan. The video compared Reagan to Lincoln. Then it talked about how John McCain was a foot soldier in the Reagan Revolution and was soon to be in Congress. But it was all about Ron & Nancy Reagan.

Seriously. This is ridiculous. Here's the funny thing- Reagan and Lincoln's first campaign for president are two of the ones most easily compared to obama's (reagan = celebrity, but an actual one, and inexperienced, going up against the more experienced candidate who had a substantial amount of Navy experience).

Now Fred Thompson's talking. Man, I really missed the bags under his eyes the size of Rhode Island.

2008-09-02T20:00:00.001-05:00

Does Obama have naval experience because Hawaii borders the MOTHERFUCKING OCEAN??? That's right, fuck mccain, obama lived near the ocean so now he has more maritime experience because that water shit was engrained in him from a young age. He has foreign policy experience because IL is only like 2 states away from FUCKING CANADA. Why is the media not calling out the bullshit on this fuckig shit?

Also, on youtube i saw sarah palin referred to as a VPILF, i thought that was amusing.

2008-09-02T19:57:00.001-05:00

Jesus fucking Christ, what the fuck is it w/ these fucking Republicans saying that being near a fucking country gives you fucking foreign policy experience? I mean seriously, can they not come up with a better fucking punchline than that? If I were that dumb I would fucking kill myself. I would wrap my finger in electrical wire, shove a lightbulb up my ass and stick my finger in a fucking socket. Sonofabitch, what the fuck? How can you even hold a debate about issues with people that are that fucking stupid? I mean, you could hijack the fucking shortbus, dress all the retards up in suits, give them a fucking combover & people wouldn't be able to tell that they're not really the republican assholes that are trying to push all this bullshit. If anything they'd say, "Holy shit! The GOP has become a lot smarter since they've started wearing those fucking bicycle helmets!"

On FoxNews, Karl Rove tried to say that when Bush took office he had more foreign policy experience than Obama does now because "Texas border MOTHERFUCKING MEXICO!" No wonder our country's so fucked up, when this asshole was responsible for getting Bush elected twice.
In his defense though, this is slightly less moronic than the Palin argument (but BARELY) because texas at least does fucking touch mexico.

I'm going to go out in the garage, leave the door down, and turn my car on now. This is rifuckingdiculous.

2008-09-02T19:46:00.000-05:00

The voice-over on this is kind of ridiculous but you can definitely see McCain checking out Sarah Palin during her speech (he did more vetting w/ his eyes during his speech than his campaign did in all the months leading up to the nomination):

Also, here's Cindy McCain showing she knows the intricacies of foreign policy and geography, and can tie those two completely separate things into one bullshit answer. What a great first lady she'd make.

2008-09-02T12:33:00.000-05:00

The McCain campaign decided to release the info about Sarah Palin's 17-year-old daughter being pregnant out of wedlock as soon as Hurricane Gustav hit the ground. That seems pretty fucking shady to me- using a fucking hurricane to minimize the political damage of the news. Also, Palin's a huge supporter of abstinence only education. hahaha. How the fuck are we suppose to believe it works in the whole country if it doesn't work in her own household?

Also, a year or two ago, when asked about having the words "One nation under God..." in the Pledge of Allegiance, she said she believes in reciting the pledge in its original form like the founding fathers did. Hafuckinghahahahaha. That would be fine and fucking dandy except that the pledge wasn't written until 18fucking92, and the words "One nation under god" weren't added until 19fucking51 by the Kinghts of Cofuckinglumbus. So she believes in reciting it like he founding fathers. Which I guess is not saying it at all, then waiting around for 100+ yrs. for the motherfucker to be written, then waiting another 60 years for "One nation under god" to be added to it. What a dipshit.

2008-09-01T14:12:00.000-05:00

Karl Rove said that Biden is a "big, blowhard doofus." Then, after making sure there was press in the room, said the housing prices are dropping because "they were artifically high during the housing boom." He also said "the economy is growing with a pattern of job creation." He also hit the McCain campaign's #1 talking point- that he was a POW.

I don't even have to comment on what assholish, patently false statements he made.

2008-08-30T14:53:00.000-05:00

Joe Klein is my new idol!

And Barney fucking Rubble is more qualified than Sarah Palin.

2008-08-26T21:25:00.001-05:00

Several veteran organizations have given McCain a lower rating on his voting than Obama.

Douche baggery & bitch hoe-dom

2008-08-26T00:07:00.000-05:00

Jesus motherfuckingchrist, i have never seen so much assholeishness in one room in my life. One of these GOP tools on larry king was asked if he thought race played an issue in the election... he basically said "yadda yadda, I'm a motherfucking douchebag & you probably want to kill me because i'm such a rampant asshole. Also, I remind you of a lawyer." But then he ended it with, "And remember, I've got a niece from Yuganda, so I'm not a racist."

Well, fucking naturally. That makes perfect sense. How the fuck do we know he doesn't kick the fucking shit out of his niece? Fuck him, he's a fucking idiot just like all the other fucknuts they are talking to.

2008-08-25T23:16:00.000-05:00

McCain is the new Giuliani- just like Giuliani cheapened 9/11 by using it to talk about every single fucking issue that came up. McCain is now doing that with his time as a prisoner of war. On Jay Leno, they asked him about his houses & he fucking talks about being a POW. He's cheapening his service by whoring it off to win, and several vets have spoken out saying that he's cheapening everyone's service by doing this. It's rifuckingdiculous. He throws it into to almost every answer he gives, even though it really typically has nothing to do with the question at hand.

2008-08-24T13:15:00.000-05:00

I knew this day would come.

I'm pretty sure she did too, but just didn't care because winning the nomination was more important than the party winning the White House. Also Giuliani tried to attack Obama- saying that although McCain owns more homes than he can remember (7 at the least), Obama owns one $1 million home, and it doesn't matter how many homes you own- I thought this was an absurd argument, and a ridiculous counterpoint. Something else interesting, McCain spends $270,000 yearly just to pay people to keep up all of his homes- over a quarter million just for cleaning & upkeep.

2008-08-22T23:45:00.000-05:00

Tonight on Larry King, a republican said Obama will lose in iraq, and mccain will win & leave w/ honor. Larry asked him to explain what winning was in iraq. He dodged the question. Larry pursued it. He ended up saying that larry was "trying to be cute."

Fucking cute? These motherfuckers constantly talk about winning the war in Iraq like it's a fucking wet T-shirt contest, and we just have to show up with the nicest water-soaked tits and win, like it's a black & white fucking issue. We're going to win in Iraq, but if you ask how they define winning in Iraq then you're being fucking cute. Fuck them. I'd rather be "cute" than be "a motherfucking massive anal dildo" like these dickholes.

2008-08-22T21:34:00.000-05:00

I miss the old Bill Clinton. Who wasn't an asshole, and who was a badass motherfucker

2008-08-22T21:13:00.000-05:00

This is always a good watch... the ultimate "go fuck yourself" without saying "go fuck yourself"

2008-08-07T17:45:00.001-05:00

John McCain has done something good- reminded me of why I hated Hillary Clinton in the first place!

All of the clips mccain uses are pre-2006 too- that's worth noting.

The Dem response to that ad is worth watching.

Also:

2008-08-05T20:13:00.001-05:00

You've got to fucking see this- it's Paris Hilton's response to John McCain's attack on Obama... it's really fucking funny, and suprisingly clever to, with a healthy amount of self-mockery.

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

And what's really fucking funny is "her energy policy" really makes more sense than all of the bullshit partisan bickering that's been going on

2008-08-03T14:11:00.000-05:00

This is an awesome article!

2008-08-02T17:05:00.000-05:00

I remember a day when mccain use to come out w/ ads appealing to people's good side, like this one, which now seems like a complete farce. Also, watch at the very end of the ad, the star on his logo appears from a merger of 4-stars, which I think is kind of assholish, b/c he retired as a captain (O-6) which is 4 levels below the naval rank of admiral designated by 4 stars (O-10)

2008-07-28T17:40:00.000-05:00

So I just found out that the amount of debt accumulated on W's watch is more than all previous presidents COMFUCKINGBINED!

2008-07-28T17:15:00.000-05:00

So McCain called Obama "Dr. No" today... it's sad to see the former decent politicians fall into accusing his opponent of being the supervillain in the first Bond movie ever made.

Also noteworthy in the political news, Republican Senator Chuck Hagel who traveled w/ Obama & is a longtime McCain friend recently said that judgment is more important than experience when picking a pres. He also had said McCain is walking on very thin ground w/ his recent verbal attacks on Obama and his new attack ad.

2008-07-14T22:43:00.000-05:00

This may be the saddest thing I've ever read or seen... it's definitely way the hell sadder than Old Yeller.

2008-07-08T20:13:00.000-05:00

Perot Charts » Charting Government Fiscal Irresponsibility

2008-07-01T01:09:00.001-05:00

So I'm watching Dana Carvey's standup on HBO- it's pretty damn funny... he asked, "When did Al Gore start talking like a gay Forrest Gump?" it was quality...

2008-06-27T15:39:00.000-05:00

From Josh:

Mitt is at it again!
John Roberts: Those 'liberal' nonproliferationists - CNN.com

Mangina

2008-06-24T00:27:00.000-05:00

This Dick Tuck fellow is fucking hilarious - read this crazy shit! Also, check out Wikipedia.

2008-06-24T00:06:00.001-05:00

I was looking at the Wikipedia article on modern American Liberalism, and thought these 2 definitions were interesting (1st one is from JFK).

John F. Kennedy defined liberalism this way:

"If by a 'Liberal' they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, and their civil liberties — someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a 'Liberal,' then I'm proud to say I'm a 'Liberal.'[3

Princeton Sociologist Paul Starr described it by saying,[2]

"Liberalism wagers that a state... can be strong but constrained – strong because constrained... Rights to education and other requirements for human development and security aim to advance equal opportunity and personal dignity and to promote a creative and productive society. To guarantee those rights, liberals have supported a wider social and economic role for the state, counterbalanced by more robust guarantees of civil liberties and a wider social system of checks and balances anchored in an independent press and pluralistic society."

I looked up the article on Ron Reagan, and he's a liberal which is pretty interesting- said Bush has no right to speak for his father-- that although some of Bush's policies are extensions of 80's policies, they were in completely different spirit than Bush's policy. The article on him is pretty interesting.

2008-06-18T21:57:00.000-05:00

Lou Dobbs, Glenn Beck, and Communism are a lot alike- they're all great in theory, but in actuality, they're not so super

2008-06-18T03:11:00.001-05:00

McCain is attacking Obama for being too much like pres. carter... i don't think this will work, and if he's not careful, this could be his bob dole moment- the one that makes him look to old to be electable.

2008-06-17T18:02:00.000-05:00

at 6:02pm on June 17th, 2008
I wish I could make a career out of bitching about 1 thing every night like Lou Dobbs has done.

2008-06-14T19:10:00.000-05:00

Also, Clinton's job now would be a hell of a lot easier if she hadn't gone so damn negative in the primaries.

Oh yeah, and we wouldn't have pledged Clinton delegates to the national convention publicly supporting McCain!

2008-06-14T19:06:00.000-05:00

Recent financial releases show the McCain's have $225,000 in credit card debt. Can you really claim to be a financial conservative when you have $225,000 in f'ing credit card debt?

Also, Rudy in his truly douche-tastic form that we have come to know, said that he will only appear at fundraisers for McCain if he gets a cut of the money.

2008-06-05T19:21:00.000-05:00

This is a quality article.

Shit, i didn't realize that Kerry had 251 electoral votes- I thought it was less than that. Obama is definitely more than 19 votes better than him. If he could pick up everything Kerry did and add on either just Ohio or Iowa & Virginia, he'd have the election.

2008-06-04T08:10:00.001-05:00

I think if HRC wanted the VP slot, she really hurt her chances by not at least admitting that he won the nomination last night. And rightfully so- if she's no enough of a team player to at least admit he won, she doesn't deserve to be on the ticket. Not to mention the fact that having Bill along would be a lot, a whole lot, more baggage in a general election than in an all-Democrat primary.

2008-05-15T02:38:00.001-05:00

HRC was only 360,702 votes needed to make the earth move. Bill's such a dumbass now.

2008-05-09T16:46:00.000-05:00

Here's what's got my piss boiling today. Bill Clinton, speaking in West Virginia said that WV can make the earth move. Apparently, if WV gets 600,000 votes out for her, she can win this nomination. WV only has 1.8 million people. That means 33% of the ENTIRE state population has to vote for her for her to win (not 1/3 of pop. older than 18, not 1/3 of registered democrats over 18, this is 1/3 of total population). This is a horseshit statement. Here's why- to analyze the validity of this statement, I analyzed the vote she got as a percentage of the total population in what I view as her 2 strongest states (Arkansas & NY). NY was 5% Arkansas was 8%. Fu*k Bill, he's an idiotic asshole.