Turkey pardoning, Palin-style

What makes this video even funnier, is that she gave the interview right after she pardoned a turkey. And I love the guy in the background staring at the camera the whole time.

I had 2 phases of reaction to this video. First, I laughed my ass off; 3 weeks ago this woman was a viable candidate for the second-highest office in the land. Now she's giving interviews in front of turkeys being slaughtered.

My second reaction was a bit of melancholy, because I miss seeing her do stupid shit all the time. This is the first new Sarah Palin trainwreck news story I've seen since the election, and I really enjoyed watching her fuck up on the trail. Then I watched the video again, listening to what she actually says, and realized that in a weird way, I miss her annoying the bejesus out of me all the time- I guess it brought a certain consistency to my life that is now missing. Before the election, I'd wake up every day knowing that there would almost certainly be something in the news about Sarah Palin that would really chap my ass. Now I wake up hoping anxiously for the next time a video like this one comes around. So, I'd like to thank Sarah Palin, because her attempts at proving she's a bigger hick than everyone else really amuse the shit out of me.

This is fucking priceless

I know that after 3 weeks without a post, this isn't quite up to par to make up for it. But it's damn funny nonetheless:


It's now my new goal in life to say the phrase "fuck you" on daytime television and have it air.

Election Night: The Drinking Game

For every red state that Obama wins, it's one shot. The red states that Obama is competitive in based on the polls (< 10% gap) are Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Arizona, Arkansas, Louisiana, Georgia, North Carolina, Virginia, West Virginia, and Indiana.

Arizona is McCain's home state, so if Obama wins there, it's 2 shots. Since Indiana is quite possibly the reddest state, only voting Democrat 4 times since 1900, it's also 2 shots.

Florida's elections tend to be a clusterfuck of bad things happening, if a winner is called in Florida by 9:30 PM Eastern Time, it's one shot. If Florida has been called by 8:30 PM EST, it's 2 shots.

Missouri is the bellwether state, only voting for the loser in a presidential election one time since 1900. An Obama win here results in another shot.

To up the ante, an Obama win in any battleground state results in a shot. Watch out for the results in Nevada, New Mexico, Colorado, Iowa, Minnesota, Michigan, Missouri, Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania, and New Hampshire.

If you'd like to up the level to "I want to go to the hospital drunk," everytime someone covering the election says "historic" or any form thereof, it's a drink. To up the difficulty level to coma-inducing, anytime the election coverage mentions gender playing an issue in the general election or primary, it's a drink.

Good night, and good luck.

Why Palin might be dumber than Dan Quayle

Sarah Palin has now said that the media criticizing her infringes on her First Amendment righs. She's completely fucking forgetting that saying she's campaigning negatively isn't infringing on her free speech at all, it's actually exercising that reporter's right to free speech, and the dipshit's completely forgetting that there's other parts to the First Amendment besides free speech; namely, freedom of the press.

Her whole quote was, "If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations, then I don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media."

This makes no fucking sense. It should be appalling that someone who's running for one of the highest offices in the country has no idea what the hell the First Amendment even says, and it is appalling, but considering the source it's not really surprising anymore.

Now for the argument of who's dumber Quayle or Palin:

Quayle can't spell potato.
Palin can't tell you any newspaper or magazine that she reads.

Quayle thinks Mars & Earth are on essentially the same orbit.
Palin thinks that being next to Russia gives her foreign policy experience.

Dan Quayle points out that for NASA, space is still a top priority.
Sarah Palin says that the bailout bill is for people concerned about healthcare reform.

Quayle "loves California. I Practically grew up in Phoenix."
Sarah Palin will "Have to find some and bring 'em to ya!"

Quayle thinks the future will be better tomorrow.
Palin killed the Bridge to Nowhere, and told the Congress "Thanks, but no thanks on that Bridge to Nowhere." (even though she ran for governor on a get the bridge built platform and Alaska ended up getting all the money they wanted for the bridge)

Quayle thinks "We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward."
Palin is convinced that Russia constantly flies into Alaska's air space, and is convinced that Russia, one of our allies mind you, is going to attack us, and do it via Alaska. That's right, they'll march they're happy asses through the most sparsely fucking populated state, killing about 20 eskimos and 2 Alaskans in 18 days, then go all the way through Canada just to finally make it to the continental US where there's actually people. Of course, it would be a brilliant strategical move. Going through the coldest part of a fucking country worked out great for Napolean, I'm sure Russia will be just as successful!

I'm becoming increasingly convinced that you could find a two-assed monkey, hold it in captivity for a day or two, and it would have a better grasp on the American constitution than her.

The press saying you're attacking is threatening the First Amendment to the Constitution? Fuck off.