When you think of Michelle Obama, you likely think of a stately, elegant First Lady. The Director of the Governors Highway Safety Association would disagree with that. Because apparently, she thinks of her more as the bad guy from a Schwarzenegger movie.
Since Michelle Obama encouraging children to exercise is apparently what is responsible for a recent slight upswing in pedestrian deaths. I'd like to go off on an angry tangent about that, but I don't really have anything to say besides, "What the fuck??"
Oh, and remember, it's not the people who died that are the victims. No, it's Sarah Palin who is the victim.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Why Plain Can't Win in 2012
I don't believe Sarah Palin is going to run in 2012- I think she would much rather tease us with the possibility that she might run, because she realizes her stock will fall when she is out of the picture as the GOP's candidate in 2012. I think she really likes the boatloads of cash that she's making, and doesn't want the responsibility that comes with actually being a candidate for public office. Should she run, I think the GOP voters are probably smart enough to know that her unfavorable ratings are too high to win a general election. However, I hope this is not the case- if she does run, I will sure as shit donate to her primary campaign, because should she run for president, and make it to the general election, she will fall flat on her face. And were this to happen, I don't think near as many people would give a shit what she has to say anymore- nobody was lining up to interview Dole after '96. But more importantly, Americans like presidential candidates that give them hope for a better future. Palin has had little to offer besides negativity and proclaiming herself the victim all the time.
Today being the 50th anniversary of JFK's inauguration has made me think that she would do well to listen to his famous advice to "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country." Even after the Tucson tragedy, Palin made herself out to be the victim. People had just gotten fucking murdered and SHE was the victim. Jon Stewart sums up the bullshit of this better than I can.
This article about America growing weary of Palin gives me hope that she'll go away soon.
Watching this, quite possibly the best summary of American aspirations that I've heard, shows the stark difference between a successful presidential candidate & Sarah Palin:
Today being the 50th anniversary of JFK's inauguration has made me think that she would do well to listen to his famous advice to "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country." Even after the Tucson tragedy, Palin made herself out to be the victim. People had just gotten fucking murdered and SHE was the victim. Jon Stewart sums up the bullshit of this better than I can.
This article about America growing weary of Palin gives me hope that she'll go away soon.
Watching this, quite possibly the best summary of American aspirations that I've heard, shows the stark difference between a successful presidential candidate & Sarah Palin:
Keeping it Classy
In the uncertainty that results from living in a post-9/11 world, it can be comforting to know that some things never change. For example, it's comforting to know that no matter what happens, Rush Limbaugh will keep being fuckin' classy:
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Sarah Palin Royally Pisses Me Off
I don't really have much to add to that, besides saying I really, really hope she runs in 2012, so I can witness what I've already been waiting 2 years to see, and that's watching her fall flat on her face.
These articles are worth reading:
The first is about why Sarah Palin's against collectively blaming a group for an individual's actions... that is, unless she's doing it herself
The second is a humorous article about her camp trying to say that the bullseyes on her PAC's election map was really surveyor's symbols
These articles are worth reading:
The first is about why Sarah Palin's against collectively blaming a group for an individual's actions... that is, unless she's doing it herself
The second is a humorous article about her camp trying to say that the bullseyes on her PAC's election map was really surveyor's symbols
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
It Only Took One Day
... of GOP rule in the house, and already, one big fuck-up. Really, as a Congressman, how the hell do you miss the swearing-in ceremony? And on top of that, to miss the ceremony so you could be at a fucking fundraiser? I don't even know what to compare this to. I'm pretty sure, however, that the heated rhetoric on the campaign trail of ending the politics as usual has already fallen flat on its face on day 1, since I doubt most citizens would consider fundraising in the Capitol Visitors' Center instead of being sworn in would be an end to "politics as usual." But then again, I'd assume that up until now, pretty much any member elected to Congress actually did show up to the swearing-in ceremony, so maybe I'm wrong. Maybe we're going to end politics as usual by really stepping up the bullshit.
And for all the talk of not wasting money, spending time to read the entire Constitution on the House floor, can not come cheap. Whether or not that figure is accurate can be argued, but it is inarguable that it is a costly endeavor to pay congressmen, staffers, aides, etc. to sit and hear a document read that they should already be familiar with. Fuck, at least assign it as homework & give them a quiz on Monday so you're not wasting the fucking taxpayer dollar. Especially since the new Congress got elected on a platform of reducing the wasting of taxpayer money.
Also, John Boehner's a fucking perpetually tanned jackass (it's not sunny in Ohio year-round, motherfucker), that cries so much on public television it's disturbing. I mean, watching him speak can be like watching a break-up scene in a chick flick. I suspect I'm not the only one that pictures him curled up on a couch with a box of Kleenex and a pint of ice cream after he steps down from the podium.
And for all the talk of not wasting money, spending time to read the entire Constitution on the House floor, can not come cheap. Whether or not that figure is accurate can be argued, but it is inarguable that it is a costly endeavor to pay congressmen, staffers, aides, etc. to sit and hear a document read that they should already be familiar with. Fuck, at least assign it as homework & give them a quiz on Monday so you're not wasting the fucking taxpayer dollar. Especially since the new Congress got elected on a platform of reducing the wasting of taxpayer money.
Also, John Boehner's a fucking perpetually tanned jackass (it's not sunny in Ohio year-round, motherfucker), that cries so much on public television it's disturbing. I mean, watching him speak can be like watching a break-up scene in a chick flick. I suspect I'm not the only one that pictures him curled up on a couch with a box of Kleenex and a pint of ice cream after he steps down from the podium.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
A Story about the 2010 Election
Here's a fictional story to highlight my feelings about the midterms tonight:
In 2000, John started dating a hooker. Since '94, he had kind of been seeing her on & off, but he hadn't fully committed to this lady of the night until 2000. After 6 years of serious dating, John realized he had contracted genital herpes from his hooker, so he kicked her to the curb and started seeing a doctor to get treatment. From 2006-2010, John and his doctor worked on treating his herpes and in January, 2009, he began more intense therapy and started trying some newer, more innovative therapy. During the course of therapy, John's doctor had not performed flawlessly by any means. Some of the side effects of therapy were more pronounced than expected, and John's doctor didn't always articulate well the benefits he was receiving from his therapy. By the time October, 2010 rolled around, John wasn't happy with the progression of his therapy, so he ran back to the arms of the fucking hooker that gave him genital herpes in the first place.
In case you didn't catch it, John is America, the hooker is the fucking GOP, and herpes is all the fucking bullshit they handed this country. Why the fuck the country would give power back to the shitbricks that got us into this steaming pile of horseshit is beyond me.
In 2000, John started dating a hooker. Since '94, he had kind of been seeing her on & off, but he hadn't fully committed to this lady of the night until 2000. After 6 years of serious dating, John realized he had contracted genital herpes from his hooker, so he kicked her to the curb and started seeing a doctor to get treatment. From 2006-2010, John and his doctor worked on treating his herpes and in January, 2009, he began more intense therapy and started trying some newer, more innovative therapy. During the course of therapy, John's doctor had not performed flawlessly by any means. Some of the side effects of therapy were more pronounced than expected, and John's doctor didn't always articulate well the benefits he was receiving from his therapy. By the time October, 2010 rolled around, John wasn't happy with the progression of his therapy, so he ran back to the arms of the fucking hooker that gave him genital herpes in the first place.
In case you didn't catch it, John is America, the hooker is the fucking GOP, and herpes is all the fucking bullshit they handed this country. Why the fuck the country would give power back to the shitbricks that got us into this steaming pile of horseshit is beyond me.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Death, Taxes, and Old People
I'm fucking sick of hearing old people bitch about Obama and the "Socialist States of America" spreading the fucking wealth. Why, you ask? Aren't old people entitled to their own opinions about shit going on in the country to? They are, but I too have a right for those opinions to piss me the fuck off.
Here's why: no single fucking demographic in American society has had more wealth spread to them for a longer period of time. Since 1935, old people have been bitching about spreading the wealth all the way to the bank... to cash their goddamn Social Security checks. So you're against spreading the wealth? Fine, then I want video proof of you ripping up every motherfucking social security check that comes your way. I'd also like to see all disability checks, Medicare Part A, B, and D benefits, and all dia-bee-tuhs testing supplies paid for by Medicare to be tossed in the trash too. I think then you'll find out that you're only against spreading the wealth when it isn't being spread to you.
Now, I'm not saying I'm against all these old people benefits. I believe it's important for a society to take care of it's elderly. Granted, Medicare Part D was about as piss-poorly designed ("We're going to have 42 different prescription plans for old people to choose from, and guess where all of the information about which plan is best for you is going to be?! In Reader's Digest? Fuck no, old people can use that. On computers!!") as a government program can get, but I'm not against giving the elderly prescription coverage. I just wish they would have gotten someone who's not a dumbfuck to design the program. How can you tell it's a program that was set up by some fat, lazy asshole who didn't know shit about medicine? Because almost everyone's plan involves something called the fucking "donut-hole."
Anyways, only being against spreading the wealth when it doesn't get spread to you is why the Republicans who are against "spreading the wealth" can still get off to of Ronald Reagan every night, because let's face it, tax breaks spread the wealth. Only Reagan's tax breaks spread the wealth upwards, and it seems that in the minds of many Republicans, spreading the wealth around to the rich fucks in society isn't such a fucking crisis. Spreading the wealth is a lot like butter- spreading it to the rich is just like spreading it on toast, where it tastes delicious, but if you spread the wealth to the poor, it's like spreading butter on... well, I can't think of anything butter would taste that bad on, so I guess that's a pretty shitty analogy.
If you get an argument with an old person about spreading the wealth, point out all the wealth that they're getting spread to them. If that doesn't work, ponder the interesting concept of those death panels that Sarah Palin has been talking about. Or simply tell them to fuck off.
Here's why: no single fucking demographic in American society has had more wealth spread to them for a longer period of time. Since 1935, old people have been bitching about spreading the wealth all the way to the bank... to cash their goddamn Social Security checks. So you're against spreading the wealth? Fine, then I want video proof of you ripping up every motherfucking social security check that comes your way. I'd also like to see all disability checks, Medicare Part A, B, and D benefits, and all dia-bee-tuhs testing supplies paid for by Medicare to be tossed in the trash too. I think then you'll find out that you're only against spreading the wealth when it isn't being spread to you.
Now, I'm not saying I'm against all these old people benefits. I believe it's important for a society to take care of it's elderly. Granted, Medicare Part D was about as piss-poorly designed ("We're going to have 42 different prescription plans for old people to choose from, and guess where all of the information about which plan is best for you is going to be?! In Reader's Digest? Fuck no, old people can use that. On computers!!") as a government program can get, but I'm not against giving the elderly prescription coverage. I just wish they would have gotten someone who's not a dumbfuck to design the program. How can you tell it's a program that was set up by some fat, lazy asshole who didn't know shit about medicine? Because almost everyone's plan involves something called the fucking "donut-hole."
Anyways, only being against spreading the wealth when it doesn't get spread to you is why the Republicans who are against "spreading the wealth" can still get off to of Ronald Reagan every night, because let's face it, tax breaks spread the wealth. Only Reagan's tax breaks spread the wealth upwards, and it seems that in the minds of many Republicans, spreading the wealth around to the rich fucks in society isn't such a fucking crisis. Spreading the wealth is a lot like butter- spreading it to the rich is just like spreading it on toast, where it tastes delicious, but if you spread the wealth to the poor, it's like spreading butter on... well, I can't think of anything butter would taste that bad on, so I guess that's a pretty shitty analogy.
If you get an argument with an old person about spreading the wealth, point out all the wealth that they're getting spread to them. If that doesn't work, ponder the interesting concept of those death panels that Sarah Palin has been talking about. Or simply tell them to fuck off.
Friday, July 31, 2009
I've seen a lot of stupid shit in my day but...
...very few of them could piss me off worse then my 1 hour layover turning into a 4 hour layover and American fucking Airlines not even offering a damn sandwich for delaying us so long. What pissed me off so much was when I got home to St. Louis, and I saw an advertisement for this. It didn't just piss me off, it really got my piss boiling. It has got to be the 2nd stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen (I'll be posting about the stupidest thing I've ever seen in the near future- and in truer tradition to this blog, it is something spewed forth by a Republican). Not because I'm against educating children in needy countries, but because I think there's a shitton of things that the money could be better used for. You can tell how fucked up our society's gotten when we think the most important think we can give to children in a needy country is a fucking laptop. What about fucking food? Or AIDS drugs? Or doctors? Or fucking potable water? Or fucking mosquito nets so that people don't die of fucking malaria? To hell with all of that shit, they need fucking laptops.
The whole concept pisses me off- one laptop per child. Why aren't we more concerned about having at least one meal a day per child or fucking shelter for every child? Well, I guess shelter isn't a concern since that would block out the sun and their fucking laptops couldn't recharge then.
Again, this wouldn't be a terrible idea if these kids had everything they need to fucking survive before we start worrying about giving all of them laptops. Furthermore, it costs $200 fucking dollars to donate a laptop. Here's a list of what you could do if you donated that $200 to another charity instead:
1) Feed a starving child for 20 fucking months
2) Buy 20 mosquito nets to help prevent 20 people from becoming infected with malaria, which by the way can be a fatal disease (and in case you're not 100% sure, not owning a laptop is never, ever fucking fatal).
3) Deliver almost 1,500 fucking pounds of food to starving American children
4) Buy a bunch of shit from this website to show how much more dedicated you are to breast cancer awareness than fucking everyone else around you. I don't know if their money actually goes to breast cancer research so whether that's charity or not is up in the air.
5) Buy 8 fucking ribeye steaks cooked on a pitchfork, and then eat them overlooking the fucking Badlands. I know that not charity, it's just badass.
6) Buy a shitton of Natty Light for this guy.
I really don't get how the fuck this idea came about- I picture it playing out like this:
Jackass 1 was standing around and said "You know, there's a lot of motherfucking problems in this world," and then
Jackass 2 chiming in with "You're fucking right... not the least of which is the fact that there are all these starving kids..."
Jackass 1 interrupts with, "I know we've got to feed those sons of bitches!"
Jackass 2 becomes disgusted and said "No, infrastructure problems would make that practically impossible. We need to get them to have fucking laptops with wireless internet."
Jackass 1: "They're fucking starving kids in a needy country, how the hell would they use wireless internet?"
Jackass 2: "Fuck you."
Thus rendering another convert to the fucking idea that it's really important to get fucking laptops to all these kids. And what is very likely the stupidest fucking charity I've ever heard of marches on to see another day.
Next post: A case study of all the kids that will benefit from this fucking program.
The whole concept pisses me off- one laptop per child. Why aren't we more concerned about having at least one meal a day per child or fucking shelter for every child? Well, I guess shelter isn't a concern since that would block out the sun and their fucking laptops couldn't recharge then.
Again, this wouldn't be a terrible idea if these kids had everything they need to fucking survive before we start worrying about giving all of them laptops. Furthermore, it costs $200 fucking dollars to donate a laptop. Here's a list of what you could do if you donated that $200 to another charity instead:
1) Feed a starving child for 20 fucking months
2) Buy 20 mosquito nets to help prevent 20 people from becoming infected with malaria, which by the way can be a fatal disease (and in case you're not 100% sure, not owning a laptop is never, ever fucking fatal).
3) Deliver almost 1,500 fucking pounds of food to starving American children
4) Buy a bunch of shit from this website to show how much more dedicated you are to breast cancer awareness than fucking everyone else around you. I don't know if their money actually goes to breast cancer research so whether that's charity or not is up in the air.
5) Buy 8 fucking ribeye steaks cooked on a pitchfork, and then eat them overlooking the fucking Badlands. I know that not charity, it's just badass.
6) Buy a shitton of Natty Light for this guy.
I really don't get how the fuck this idea came about- I picture it playing out like this:
Jackass 1 was standing around and said "You know, there's a lot of motherfucking problems in this world," and then
Jackass 2 chiming in with "You're fucking right... not the least of which is the fact that there are all these starving kids..."
Jackass 1 interrupts with, "I know we've got to feed those sons of bitches!"
Jackass 2 becomes disgusted and said "No, infrastructure problems would make that practically impossible. We need to get them to have fucking laptops with wireless internet."
Jackass 1: "They're fucking starving kids in a needy country, how the hell would they use wireless internet?"
Jackass 2: "Fuck you."
Thus rendering another convert to the fucking idea that it's really important to get fucking laptops to all these kids. And what is very likely the stupidest fucking charity I've ever heard of marches on to see another day.
Next post: A case study of all the kids that will benefit from this fucking program.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Conservative Strangelove...
...or "Why at this moment in time, a talking dildo would be more fucking useful to this country than anyone that is speaking out for the conservative movement."
We're in the middle of an economic fucking crisis. Two goddamn wars. And a bunch of other bullshit going on. But here is what the conservative pundits are pissed about:
Granted, it's complete monkeyshit that the media made this big of a deal out of the pres. & VP getting a fucking burger. Had he been a vegatarian prior to this point in time, yeah it's fucking noteworthy because it'd be like his meat baptism. But he went out for a fucking burger.
BUT it is way more fucking absurd that the conservative pundits, esp. Hannity & Fucking Laura Ingraham are making such a huge fucking deal out of the WAY he ordered his burger. Sigmund fucking Freud couldn't have made more inferences than they do about the man from the way he orders a fucking burger.
First a look at Laura Fucking Ingraham's insightful fucking comments:
I like how she says how fucking absurd it is that the media's covering it, then proceeds to cover it hersel.
Now I love ketchup. Probably more than anyone I know. But it's not a national fucking crisis that he doesn't get ketchup on his fucking burger. And when the fuck did dijon motherfucking mustard become elitist. Prior to may 6th, Dijon mustard was just a fucking spicy version of mustard. Now that a Democrat president has ordered dijon mustard, it's fucking elitist all of a sudden. I don't think these dumb sons of bitches realized that the Grey Poupon commercials were a fucking joke.
They mocked Obama, acting like him & Biden came in with bottled water. When the fuck did that become elitist. My theory is anything that is fucking sold at fucking WALMART isn't elitist. And on top of that, they didn't even have fucking bottled water with them, so these fucking shitbricks are just pulling shit out of their ass and claiming that Obama did it (for a more dire version of the right doing this, look up the so-called "Obama Enemies List").
If I were her, and had nothing more constructive to do than criticize the way our President eats a fucking hamburger, I would punch myself in the eye until it turned to jelly.
She asks what kind of man wouldn't put ketchup on his burger. If we're going to size up what kind of man the president is, why don't we do it based on a larger, more substantial issue? Say 4 years ago, why wasn't she asking what kind of man the president was to be out in California after New Orleans had been ravaged by a fucking hurricane.
And here's Sean Hannity's comments:
That "fancy burger"... he got it with cheddar & fucking spicy mustard. If Shitbrick Sean would have done any fucking research at all (I know, that's like asking the Pope to go to a fucking Bar Mitzvah), he would have found that Rays Hell Burgers offers many things substantially more "elitist" than fucking Dijon. For example, you can get fucking foie gras and fucking white truffle oil. With all that on the menu, he orders cheddar & dijon and he's still a fucking elitist.
Sean, fuck you. I've had fucking bowel movements that have been more informative than listening to you fucking talk.
We're in the middle of an economic fucking crisis. Two goddamn wars. And a bunch of other bullshit going on. But here is what the conservative pundits are pissed about:
Granted, it's complete monkeyshit that the media made this big of a deal out of the pres. & VP getting a fucking burger. Had he been a vegatarian prior to this point in time, yeah it's fucking noteworthy because it'd be like his meat baptism. But he went out for a fucking burger.
BUT it is way more fucking absurd that the conservative pundits, esp. Hannity & Fucking Laura Ingraham are making such a huge fucking deal out of the WAY he ordered his burger. Sigmund fucking Freud couldn't have made more inferences than they do about the man from the way he orders a fucking burger.
First a look at Laura Fucking Ingraham's insightful fucking comments:
I like how she says how fucking absurd it is that the media's covering it, then proceeds to cover it hersel.
Now I love ketchup. Probably more than anyone I know. But it's not a national fucking crisis that he doesn't get ketchup on his fucking burger. And when the fuck did dijon motherfucking mustard become elitist. Prior to may 6th, Dijon mustard was just a fucking spicy version of mustard. Now that a Democrat president has ordered dijon mustard, it's fucking elitist all of a sudden. I don't think these dumb sons of bitches realized that the Grey Poupon commercials were a fucking joke.
They mocked Obama, acting like him & Biden came in with bottled water. When the fuck did that become elitist. My theory is anything that is fucking sold at fucking WALMART isn't elitist. And on top of that, they didn't even have fucking bottled water with them, so these fucking shitbricks are just pulling shit out of their ass and claiming that Obama did it (for a more dire version of the right doing this, look up the so-called "Obama Enemies List").
If I were her, and had nothing more constructive to do than criticize the way our President eats a fucking hamburger, I would punch myself in the eye until it turned to jelly.
She asks what kind of man wouldn't put ketchup on his burger. If we're going to size up what kind of man the president is, why don't we do it based on a larger, more substantial issue? Say 4 years ago, why wasn't she asking what kind of man the president was to be out in California after New Orleans had been ravaged by a fucking hurricane.
And here's Sean Hannity's comments:
That "fancy burger"... he got it with cheddar & fucking spicy mustard. If Shitbrick Sean would have done any fucking research at all (I know, that's like asking the Pope to go to a fucking Bar Mitzvah), he would have found that Rays Hell Burgers offers many things substantially more "elitist" than fucking Dijon. For example, you can get fucking foie gras and fucking white truffle oil. With all that on the menu, he orders cheddar & dijon and he's still a fucking elitist.
Sean, fuck you. I've had fucking bowel movements that have been more informative than listening to you fucking talk.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The 59th Street Bitch Song
With the bailouts and stimulus package dominating the news cycle lately, I haven't found much inspiration to write about anything, but I feel it's time to put in my two cents. It's well-established that most of America doesn't like the stimulus bills, and who can blame them since these greedy fucks on Wall Street and the Bernie Madoff assholes of the world have spent the past several fucking over the American people like we're a federal prisoner that dropped the soap. I'm not a big fan of the stimulus packages either. But it's what every top economist is recommending to do, even conservative ones.
What's been really pissing me off though is how Republicans are acting like this whole thing is 100% Obama. What they're forgetting is that the first, and substantially shittier, stimulus package was signed by a fucking Republican president and fucking championed by Mr. Jowly Anti-pork himself, Sen. McCain. How could one so easily forget a fucking presidential campaign (Mr. McCain's) being suspended so he could fucking barnstorm into Washington and champion passing this first stimulus package. Then it failed in the House, which was entertaining, and sure as hell didn't help out his prospects in November. Anyfuckingways, from what I recall, a little over half of this stimulus money has been signed into law by Obama. The other half was signed by Bush, and fucking championed by McCain. Where were the motherfucking tea parties then?
Speaking of which, where was the fucking tea at these tea parties? Personally, if I were a GOP protester and I showed up to bitch & drink tea, and found out there was no tea, I'd be uber-pissed because I fucking love tea.
And I'm all for people's right to protest, but it's a little fucked up that in recent memory fucking Hannitty was talking about what a travesty it was that anyone would question the president, and now he's calling for people to take to the fucking streets in anarchy. It's interesting to see how quickly the sides have shifted roles; now the right-wingers are the radical protesters and the left are bitching about them protesting. Not long ago, the left was protesting and being mocked on Fox News. Now the right is protesting, being mocked on MSNBC, and Fox News is acting like it's incredulous that someone would ever fucking mock protesters. Fuck off Fox News, you'd have to have the memory of a comatose hippopotamus to forget what a bitchstorm you put up anytime someone protested anything during the golden years of the neocon movement.
Truly, this is a serious call to Republicans to stop your fucking bitching, grow a pair, and actually come up with something productive. The Democrats have come up with the bailouts as a plan, what is the Republicans plan? I haven't fucking heard one. Since the Republicans are now the minority opposition party, I think it is their duty to this great country to not just bitch about what the Democrats are doing but to fucking come up with an alternative. If the GOP is so truly fundamentally against the bailouts why don't you stop whining and do something that might be politically risky, and come up with an alternative on how to save our fucking country from this recession. Our country would greatly benefit from having differing constructive opinions instead of just having the Democrats come up with a plan and the Republicans pointing out what all is wrong with it. Fucking come up with a fucking idea of your own.
GOP, you don't like the bailouts. I'm not a big fan of them. Neither are the majority of the citizens of this country. So my question to you is what the fuck are you going to do about it?
-Rev. Joe
P.S. And if you respond to that question with more bitching, I will fucking punch you in the face.
What's been really pissing me off though is how Republicans are acting like this whole thing is 100% Obama. What they're forgetting is that the first, and substantially shittier, stimulus package was signed by a fucking Republican president and fucking championed by Mr. Jowly Anti-pork himself, Sen. McCain. How could one so easily forget a fucking presidential campaign (Mr. McCain's) being suspended so he could fucking barnstorm into Washington and champion passing this first stimulus package. Then it failed in the House, which was entertaining, and sure as hell didn't help out his prospects in November. Anyfuckingways, from what I recall, a little over half of this stimulus money has been signed into law by Obama. The other half was signed by Bush, and fucking championed by McCain. Where were the motherfucking tea parties then?
Speaking of which, where was the fucking tea at these tea parties? Personally, if I were a GOP protester and I showed up to bitch & drink tea, and found out there was no tea, I'd be uber-pissed because I fucking love tea.
And I'm all for people's right to protest, but it's a little fucked up that in recent memory fucking Hannitty was talking about what a travesty it was that anyone would question the president, and now he's calling for people to take to the fucking streets in anarchy. It's interesting to see how quickly the sides have shifted roles; now the right-wingers are the radical protesters and the left are bitching about them protesting. Not long ago, the left was protesting and being mocked on Fox News. Now the right is protesting, being mocked on MSNBC, and Fox News is acting like it's incredulous that someone would ever fucking mock protesters. Fuck off Fox News, you'd have to have the memory of a comatose hippopotamus to forget what a bitchstorm you put up anytime someone protested anything during the golden years of the neocon movement.
Truly, this is a serious call to Republicans to stop your fucking bitching, grow a pair, and actually come up with something productive. The Democrats have come up with the bailouts as a plan, what is the Republicans plan? I haven't fucking heard one. Since the Republicans are now the minority opposition party, I think it is their duty to this great country to not just bitch about what the Democrats are doing but to fucking come up with an alternative. If the GOP is so truly fundamentally against the bailouts why don't you stop whining and do something that might be politically risky, and come up with an alternative on how to save our fucking country from this recession. Our country would greatly benefit from having differing constructive opinions instead of just having the Democrats come up with a plan and the Republicans pointing out what all is wrong with it. Fucking come up with a fucking idea of your own.
GOP, you don't like the bailouts. I'm not a big fan of them. Neither are the majority of the citizens of this country. So my question to you is what the fuck are you going to do about it?
-Rev. Joe
P.S. And if you respond to that question with more bitching, I will fucking punch you in the face.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Ecstasy
This isn't about politics, but it's been bugging the shit out of me lately.
Something's really been chapping my ass today. Tehcno music. I can't fucking stand techno. Tonight I was at the casino, and I heard a techno version of Bob Marley's "Sun is Shining." This really pissed me off. What really gets my piss boiling about techno is that they always take a fucking song that was a good damn song originally, then they fucking chop it up and at a stupid as fucking beat to it then change the damn tempo of the song then all the fuckers that are hopped up on ecstasy go apeshit over it because they liked this song originally and now they can finally do their fucking glowstick dance to this bullshit.
Ecstasy is going to be the downfall of music, because all these fuckers get all hopped on E and they think that everything would be good as techno music, but's not. Fleetwod fucking Mac does not turn into good fucking techno music.
You know what does make good techno music? Fucking Icelandic or Nordic hookers getting some douche bag-looking guys to play a fucking beat with a high fucking pitched keyboard over it, and then the lead singer repeats one or two lines over and fucking over again for 3 & a half minutes. The song would preferably be in another language, too. If it's in this language it should sound like someone with English as a 42nd language wrote the fucking line... something like "Get off your ass, my new jeans are on the street."
Daft Punk proved, you can have a fairly successful techno song using the same formula and uttering only 1 phrase for 4 fucking minutes.
Something's really been chapping my ass today. Tehcno music. I can't fucking stand techno. Tonight I was at the casino, and I heard a techno version of Bob Marley's "Sun is Shining." This really pissed me off. What really gets my piss boiling about techno is that they always take a fucking song that was a good damn song originally, then they fucking chop it up and at a stupid as fucking beat to it then change the damn tempo of the song then all the fuckers that are hopped up on ecstasy go apeshit over it because they liked this song originally and now they can finally do their fucking glowstick dance to this bullshit.
Ecstasy is going to be the downfall of music, because all these fuckers get all hopped on E and they think that everything would be good as techno music, but's not. Fleetwod fucking Mac does not turn into good fucking techno music.
You know what does make good techno music? Fucking Icelandic or Nordic hookers getting some douche bag-looking guys to play a fucking beat with a high fucking pitched keyboard over it, and then the lead singer repeats one or two lines over and fucking over again for 3 & a half minutes. The song would preferably be in another language, too. If it's in this language it should sound like someone with English as a 42nd language wrote the fucking line... something like "Get off your ass, my new jeans are on the street."
Daft Punk proved, you can have a fairly successful techno song using the same formula and uttering only 1 phrase for 4 fucking minutes.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
You say you want a rEVOLution...
Here is why Ron Paul lost:
1) His supporters were so motivated they decided that instead of having a real rally, they'd have one online on the video game World of Warcraft.
2) Dragonforce is a shitty band. Anyone who's supporters like Dragonforce deserves to lose. I mean who the fuck sings about dragons and shit? It's ridiculous, it's not the fucking 80's anymore.
Also, look for the disclaimer at the end of the video- they make sure you know that the Ron Paul campaign didn't organize that rally. A lot of campaigns have get out the vote drives. Apparently, many of Ron Paul's supporters just play a fucking fantasy-world videogame.
1) His supporters were so motivated they decided that instead of having a real rally, they'd have one online on the video game World of Warcraft.
2) Dragonforce is a shitty band. Anyone who's supporters like Dragonforce deserves to lose. I mean who the fuck sings about dragons and shit? It's ridiculous, it's not the fucking 80's anymore.
Also, look for the disclaimer at the end of the video- they make sure you know that the Ron Paul campaign didn't organize that rally. A lot of campaigns have get out the vote drives. Apparently, many of Ron Paul's supporters just play a fucking fantasy-world videogame.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Turkey pardoning, Palin-style
What makes this video even funnier, is that she gave the interview right after she pardoned a turkey. And I love the guy in the background staring at the camera the whole time.
I had 2 phases of reaction to this video. First, I laughed my ass off; 3 weeks ago this woman was a viable candidate for the second-highest office in the land. Now she's giving interviews in front of turkeys being slaughtered.
My second reaction was a bit of melancholy, because I miss seeing her do stupid shit all the time. This is the first new Sarah Palin trainwreck news story I've seen since the election, and I really enjoyed watching her fuck up on the trail. Then I watched the video again, listening to what she actually says, and realized that in a weird way, I miss her annoying the bejesus out of me all the time- I guess it brought a certain consistency to my life that is now missing. Before the election, I'd wake up every day knowing that there would almost certainly be something in the news about Sarah Palin that would really chap my ass. Now I wake up hoping anxiously for the next time a video like this one comes around. So, I'd like to thank Sarah Palin, because her attempts at proving she's a bigger hick than everyone else really amuse the shit out of me.
Monday, November 24, 2008
This is fucking priceless
I know that after 3 weeks without a post, this isn't quite up to par to make up for it. But it's damn funny nonetheless:
It's now my new goal in life to say the phrase "fuck you" on daytime television and have it air.
It's now my new goal in life to say the phrase "fuck you" on daytime television and have it air.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Election Night: The Drinking Game
For every red state that Obama wins, it's one shot. The red states that Obama is competitive in based on the polls (< 10% gap) are Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Arizona, Arkansas, Louisiana, Georgia, North Carolina, Virginia, West Virginia, and Indiana.
Arizona is McCain's home state, so if Obama wins there, it's 2 shots. Since Indiana is quite possibly the reddest state, only voting Democrat 4 times since 1900, it's also 2 shots.
Florida's elections tend to be a clusterfuck of bad things happening, if a winner is called in Florida by 9:30 PM Eastern Time, it's one shot. If Florida has been called by 8:30 PM EST, it's 2 shots.
Missouri is the bellwether state, only voting for the loser in a presidential election one time since 1900. An Obama win here results in another shot.
To up the ante, an Obama win in any battleground state results in a shot. Watch out for the results in Nevada, New Mexico, Colorado, Iowa, Minnesota, Michigan, Missouri, Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania, and New Hampshire.
If you'd like to up the level to "I want to go to the hospital drunk," everytime someone covering the election says "historic" or any form thereof, it's a drink. To up the difficulty level to coma-inducing, anytime the election coverage mentions gender playing an issue in the general election or primary, it's a drink.
Good night, and good luck.
Arizona is McCain's home state, so if Obama wins there, it's 2 shots. Since Indiana is quite possibly the reddest state, only voting Democrat 4 times since 1900, it's also 2 shots.
Florida's elections tend to be a clusterfuck of bad things happening, if a winner is called in Florida by 9:30 PM Eastern Time, it's one shot. If Florida has been called by 8:30 PM EST, it's 2 shots.
Missouri is the bellwether state, only voting for the loser in a presidential election one time since 1900. An Obama win here results in another shot.
To up the ante, an Obama win in any battleground state results in a shot. Watch out for the results in Nevada, New Mexico, Colorado, Iowa, Minnesota, Michigan, Missouri, Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania, and New Hampshire.
If you'd like to up the level to "I want to go to the hospital drunk," everytime someone covering the election says "historic" or any form thereof, it's a drink. To up the difficulty level to coma-inducing, anytime the election coverage mentions gender playing an issue in the general election or primary, it's a drink.
Good night, and good luck.
Why Palin might be dumber than Dan Quayle
Sarah Palin has now said that the media criticizing her infringes on her First Amendment righs. She's completely fucking forgetting that saying she's campaigning negatively isn't infringing on her free speech at all, it's actually exercising that reporter's right to free speech, and the dipshit's completely forgetting that there's other parts to the First Amendment besides free speech; namely, freedom of the press.
Her whole quote was, "If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations, then I don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media."
This makes no fucking sense. It should be appalling that someone who's running for one of the highest offices in the country has no idea what the hell the First Amendment even says, and it is appalling, but considering the source it's not really surprising anymore.
Now for the argument of who's dumber Quayle or Palin:
Quayle can't spell potato.
Palin can't tell you any newspaper or magazine that she reads.
Quayle thinks Mars & Earth are on essentially the same orbit.
Palin thinks that being next to Russia gives her foreign policy experience.
Dan Quayle points out that for NASA, space is still a top priority.
Sarah Palin says that the bailout bill is for people concerned about healthcare reform.
Quayle "loves California. I Practically grew up in Phoenix."
Sarah Palin will "Have to find some and bring 'em to ya!"
Quayle thinks the future will be better tomorrow.
Palin killed the Bridge to Nowhere, and told the Congress "Thanks, but no thanks on that Bridge to Nowhere." (even though she ran for governor on a get the bridge built platform and Alaska ended up getting all the money they wanted for the bridge)
Quayle thinks "We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward."
Palin is convinced that Russia constantly flies into Alaska's air space, and is convinced that Russia, one of our allies mind you, is going to attack us, and do it via Alaska. That's right, they'll march they're happy asses through the most sparsely fucking populated state, killing about 20 eskimos and 2 Alaskans in 18 days, then go all the way through Canada just to finally make it to the continental US where there's actually people. Of course, it would be a brilliant strategical move. Going through the coldest part of a fucking country worked out great for Napolean, I'm sure Russia will be just as successful!
I'm becoming increasingly convinced that you could find a two-assed monkey, hold it in captivity for a day or two, and it would have a better grasp on the American constitution than her.
The press saying you're attacking is threatening the First Amendment to the Constitution? Fuck off.
Her whole quote was, "If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations, then I don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media."
This makes no fucking sense. It should be appalling that someone who's running for one of the highest offices in the country has no idea what the hell the First Amendment even says, and it is appalling, but considering the source it's not really surprising anymore.
Now for the argument of who's dumber Quayle or Palin:
Quayle can't spell potato.
Palin can't tell you any newspaper or magazine that she reads.
Quayle thinks Mars & Earth are on essentially the same orbit.
Palin thinks that being next to Russia gives her foreign policy experience.
Dan Quayle points out that for NASA, space is still a top priority.
Sarah Palin says that the bailout bill is for people concerned about healthcare reform.
Quayle "loves California. I Practically grew up in Phoenix."
Sarah Palin will "Have to find some and bring 'em to ya!"
Quayle thinks the future will be better tomorrow.
Palin killed the Bridge to Nowhere, and told the Congress "Thanks, but no thanks on that Bridge to Nowhere." (even though she ran for governor on a get the bridge built platform and Alaska ended up getting all the money they wanted for the bridge)
Quayle thinks "We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward."
Palin is convinced that Russia constantly flies into Alaska's air space, and is convinced that Russia, one of our allies mind you, is going to attack us, and do it via Alaska. That's right, they'll march they're happy asses through the most sparsely fucking populated state, killing about 20 eskimos and 2 Alaskans in 18 days, then go all the way through Canada just to finally make it to the continental US where there's actually people. Of course, it would be a brilliant strategical move. Going through the coldest part of a fucking country worked out great for Napolean, I'm sure Russia will be just as successful!
I'm becoming increasingly convinced that you could find a two-assed monkey, hold it in captivity for a day or two, and it would have a better grasp on the American constitution than her.
The press saying you're attacking is threatening the First Amendment to the Constitution? Fuck off.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Plumbertastic International Relations
Yesterday, Joe the fucking Plumber was campaigning for McCain and he said that getting Obama elected would mean the end of Isreal. First of all, what the fuck is he talking about? Furthermore, when it comes to international relations, I always get my news from an unlicensed plumber because no one knows the intricacies of Middle East peace like someone who unclogs your shitter pipes.
Here's how I like the situation to play out when I call a plumber:
He arrives at the house, with a smile on his face and a toolbox in his hands. I say, "The problem's this way, Bill" (my plumber can't have the same first name as me, so made him Bill the Plumber).
We trapse to the bathroom, and he looks at me and says, "What seems to be the problem."
"Well, Bill the Plumber, here's the problem, my shitter pipes are all clogged up.
"I'll get that fixed for you in no time. While I'm fixing the fucking pipes how about I tell you all about the idiosyncracies of international policy, and the current threats to the unbelievably fragile situation in the Middle East, with a focus on current world events threatening the existence of Isreal? By the way, you shouldn't flush paper towels down, it can really clog up these shitter pipes in no time."
This is getting rifuckingdiculous.
Here's how I like the situation to play out when I call a plumber:
He arrives at the house, with a smile on his face and a toolbox in his hands. I say, "The problem's this way, Bill" (my plumber can't have the same first name as me, so made him Bill the Plumber).
We trapse to the bathroom, and he looks at me and says, "What seems to be the problem."
"Well, Bill the Plumber, here's the problem, my shitter pipes are all clogged up.
"I'll get that fixed for you in no time. While I'm fixing the fucking pipes how about I tell you all about the idiosyncracies of international policy, and the current threats to the unbelievably fragile situation in the Middle East, with a focus on current world events threatening the existence of Isreal? By the way, you shouldn't flush paper towels down, it can really clog up these shitter pipes in no time."
This is getting rifuckingdiculous.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Proving McCain's an Asshole, Episode III: Return of the Bullshit
In the 2nd presidential debate, where McCain oh so respectfully referred to a United States Senator as "that one," he discussed the need to further investigate the possible ACORN voter registration fraud in the battleground states across America. First, notice how he only gives a shit about the battleground states, and not voter registration fraud everywhere. Here's an ad about Obama's ties to ACORN:
That's a fanfuckingtastic thought, John. However, there are only allegations that ACORN did this and you, Senator, are pissing all over the principle of innocent until proven guilty, which is a core principle of the American justice system. You have implied that Senator Obama has ties to this organization, and therefore has partaken in voter registration fraud. Apparently anyone who has had ties to this organization should be investigated. Well, if they're going to investigate people for ties to ACORN, they should start with you, Senator McCain:
And if I were Obama in the debate, I would have responded to the That One comment with something to the effect of, "You know who was against the Iraq war from the beginning? Me. You know still is for it? Dickcheese," and then point to McCain in case there was any confusion. What an asshole.
That's a fanfuckingtastic thought, John. However, there are only allegations that ACORN did this and you, Senator, are pissing all over the principle of innocent until proven guilty, which is a core principle of the American justice system. You have implied that Senator Obama has ties to this organization, and therefore has partaken in voter registration fraud. Apparently anyone who has had ties to this organization should be investigated. Well, if they're going to investigate people for ties to ACORN, they should start with you, Senator McCain:
And if I were Obama in the debate, I would have responded to the That One comment with something to the effect of, "You know who was against the Iraq war from the beginning? Me. You know still is for it? Dickcheese," and then point to McCain in case there was any confusion. What an asshole.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Election Day Prediction
Obama's going to take Missouri. He had a rally in St. Louis today attended by an estimated 100,000 people, which would make his biggest rally in the States. Pictures of it, including an awesome shot of Obama under the Arch can be found here and a shot of the whole crowd here.
With excitement like this in St. Louis, the St. Louis/Kansas City vote for Obama will outweigh any rural Missouri vote for McCain. Should Missouri go for Obama, this would damn near hand Obama the election. It would also keep Missouri's record as the bellwether state for presidential elections- Missouri has voted for the winner in every election but one since 1900 (they voted for Adlai Stevenson the second time he ran against Eisenhower).
With excitement like this in St. Louis, the St. Louis/Kansas City vote for Obama will outweigh any rural Missouri vote for McCain. Should Missouri go for Obama, this would damn near hand Obama the election. It would also keep Missouri's record as the bellwether state for presidential elections- Missouri has voted for the winner in every election but one since 1900 (they voted for Adlai Stevenson the second time he ran against Eisenhower).
New Toss-up State
Great news- North Dakota is now considered a toss-up state. In the most recent polls, Obama has been up by 2 points there. That makes the 5th red state (others are Indiana, West Virginia, Virginia, and North Carolina) that Obama has a good shot at winning, and in Virginia, he's up b 10 points in the polls. And like many of the others, North Dakota hasn't voted Democrat since LBJ's electoral ass-kicking of Barry Goldwater in 1964. Should Obama win ND, it would be only the 6th time in the last 100 yrs. that a Dem has won the state in the presidential election. They didn't even vote for FDR for his last 2 terms, and those were landslide victories (FDR got 430+ electoral votes in 1940 & '44).
Maybe John McCain should send Sarah Palin there- her pseudo-Fargo accent might go over really well. And while she's there, they could kick her over into Canada because I'm tired of hearing her talk.
Maybe John McCain should send Sarah Palin there- her pseudo-Fargo accent might go over really well. And while she's there, they could kick her over into Canada because I'm tired of hearing her talk.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
