I'm fucking sick of hearing old people bitch about Obama and the "Socialist States of America" spreading the fucking wealth. Why, you ask? Aren't old people entitled to their own opinions about shit going on in the country to? They are, but I too have a right for those opinions to piss me the fuck off.
Here's why: no single fucking demographic in American society has had more wealth spread to them for a longer period of time. Since 1935, old people have been bitching about spreading the wealth all the way to the bank... to cash their goddamn Social Security checks. So you're against spreading the wealth? Fine, then I want video proof of you ripping up every motherfucking social security check that comes your way. I'd also like to see all disability checks, Medicare Part A, B, and D benefits, and all dia-bee-tuhs testing supplies paid for by Medicare to be tossed in the trash too. I think then you'll find out that you're only against spreading the wealth when it isn't being spread to you.
Now, I'm not saying I'm against all these old people benefits. I believe it's important for a society to take care of it's elderly. Granted, Medicare Part D was about as piss-poorly designed ("We're going to have 42 different prescription plans for old people to choose from, and guess where all of the information about which plan is best for you is going to be?! In Reader's Digest? Fuck no, old people can use that. On computers!!") as a government program can get, but I'm not against giving the elderly prescription coverage. I just wish they would have gotten someone who's not a dumbfuck to design the program. How can you tell it's a program that was set up by some fat, lazy asshole who didn't know shit about medicine? Because almost everyone's plan involves something called the fucking "donut-hole."
Anyways, only being against spreading the wealth when it doesn't get spread to you is why the Republicans who are against "spreading the wealth" can still get off to of Ronald Reagan every night, because let's face it, tax breaks spread the wealth. Only Reagan's tax breaks spread the wealth upwards, and it seems that in the minds of many Republicans, spreading the wealth around to the rich fucks in society isn't such a fucking crisis. Spreading the wealth is a lot like butter- spreading it to the rich is just like spreading it on toast, where it tastes delicious, but if you spread the wealth to the poor, it's like spreading butter on... well, I can't think of anything butter would taste that bad on, so I guess that's a pretty shitty analogy.
If you get an argument with an old person about spreading the wealth, point out all the wealth that they're getting spread to them. If that doesn't work, ponder the interesting concept of those death panels that Sarah Palin has been talking about. Or simply tell them to fuck off.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
I've seen a lot of stupid shit in my day but...
...very few of them could piss me off worse then my 1 hour layover turning into a 4 hour layover and American fucking Airlines not even offering a damn sandwich for delaying us so long. What pissed me off so much was when I got home to St. Louis, and I saw an advertisement for this. It didn't just piss me off, it really got my piss boiling. It has got to be the 2nd stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen (I'll be posting about the stupidest thing I've ever seen in the near future- and in truer tradition to this blog, it is something spewed forth by a Republican). Not because I'm against educating children in needy countries, but because I think there's a shitton of things that the money could be better used for. You can tell how fucked up our society's gotten when we think the most important think we can give to children in a needy country is a fucking laptop. What about fucking food? Or AIDS drugs? Or doctors? Or fucking potable water? Or fucking mosquito nets so that people don't die of fucking malaria? To hell with all of that shit, they need fucking laptops.
The whole concept pisses me off- one laptop per child. Why aren't we more concerned about having at least one meal a day per child or fucking shelter for every child? Well, I guess shelter isn't a concern since that would block out the sun and their fucking laptops couldn't recharge then.
Again, this wouldn't be a terrible idea if these kids had everything they need to fucking survive before we start worrying about giving all of them laptops. Furthermore, it costs $200 fucking dollars to donate a laptop. Here's a list of what you could do if you donated that $200 to another charity instead:
1) Feed a starving child for 20 fucking months
2) Buy 20 mosquito nets to help prevent 20 people from becoming infected with malaria, which by the way can be a fatal disease (and in case you're not 100% sure, not owning a laptop is never, ever fucking fatal).
3) Deliver almost 1,500 fucking pounds of food to starving American children
4) Buy a bunch of shit from this website to show how much more dedicated you are to breast cancer awareness than fucking everyone else around you. I don't know if their money actually goes to breast cancer research so whether that's charity or not is up in the air.
5) Buy 8 fucking ribeye steaks cooked on a pitchfork, and then eat them overlooking the fucking Badlands. I know that not charity, it's just badass.
6) Buy a shitton of Natty Light for this guy.
I really don't get how the fuck this idea came about- I picture it playing out like this:
Jackass 1 was standing around and said "You know, there's a lot of motherfucking problems in this world," and then
Jackass 2 chiming in with "You're fucking right... not the least of which is the fact that there are all these starving kids..."
Jackass 1 interrupts with, "I know we've got to feed those sons of bitches!"
Jackass 2 becomes disgusted and said "No, infrastructure problems would make that practically impossible. We need to get them to have fucking laptops with wireless internet."
Jackass 1: "They're fucking starving kids in a needy country, how the hell would they use wireless internet?"
Jackass 2: "Fuck you."
Thus rendering another convert to the fucking idea that it's really important to get fucking laptops to all these kids. And what is very likely the stupidest fucking charity I've ever heard of marches on to see another day.
Next post: A case study of all the kids that will benefit from this fucking program.
The whole concept pisses me off- one laptop per child. Why aren't we more concerned about having at least one meal a day per child or fucking shelter for every child? Well, I guess shelter isn't a concern since that would block out the sun and their fucking laptops couldn't recharge then.
Again, this wouldn't be a terrible idea if these kids had everything they need to fucking survive before we start worrying about giving all of them laptops. Furthermore, it costs $200 fucking dollars to donate a laptop. Here's a list of what you could do if you donated that $200 to another charity instead:
1) Feed a starving child for 20 fucking months
2) Buy 20 mosquito nets to help prevent 20 people from becoming infected with malaria, which by the way can be a fatal disease (and in case you're not 100% sure, not owning a laptop is never, ever fucking fatal).
3) Deliver almost 1,500 fucking pounds of food to starving American children
4) Buy a bunch of shit from this website to show how much more dedicated you are to breast cancer awareness than fucking everyone else around you. I don't know if their money actually goes to breast cancer research so whether that's charity or not is up in the air.
5) Buy 8 fucking ribeye steaks cooked on a pitchfork, and then eat them overlooking the fucking Badlands. I know that not charity, it's just badass.
6) Buy a shitton of Natty Light for this guy.
I really don't get how the fuck this idea came about- I picture it playing out like this:
Jackass 1 was standing around and said "You know, there's a lot of motherfucking problems in this world," and then
Jackass 2 chiming in with "You're fucking right... not the least of which is the fact that there are all these starving kids..."
Jackass 1 interrupts with, "I know we've got to feed those sons of bitches!"
Jackass 2 becomes disgusted and said "No, infrastructure problems would make that practically impossible. We need to get them to have fucking laptops with wireless internet."
Jackass 1: "They're fucking starving kids in a needy country, how the hell would they use wireless internet?"
Jackass 2: "Fuck you."
Thus rendering another convert to the fucking idea that it's really important to get fucking laptops to all these kids. And what is very likely the stupidest fucking charity I've ever heard of marches on to see another day.
Next post: A case study of all the kids that will benefit from this fucking program.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Conservative Strangelove...
...or "Why at this moment in time, a talking dildo would be more fucking useful to this country than anyone that is speaking out for the conservative movement."
We're in the middle of an economic fucking crisis. Two goddamn wars. And a bunch of other bullshit going on. But here is what the conservative pundits are pissed about:
Granted, it's complete monkeyshit that the media made this big of a deal out of the pres. & VP getting a fucking burger. Had he been a vegatarian prior to this point in time, yeah it's fucking noteworthy because it'd be like his meat baptism. But he went out for a fucking burger.
BUT it is way more fucking absurd that the conservative pundits, esp. Hannity & Fucking Laura Ingraham are making such a huge fucking deal out of the WAY he ordered his burger. Sigmund fucking Freud couldn't have made more inferences than they do about the man from the way he orders a fucking burger.
First a look at Laura Fucking Ingraham's insightful fucking comments:
I like how she says how fucking absurd it is that the media's covering it, then proceeds to cover it hersel.
Now I love ketchup. Probably more than anyone I know. But it's not a national fucking crisis that he doesn't get ketchup on his fucking burger. And when the fuck did dijon motherfucking mustard become elitist. Prior to may 6th, Dijon mustard was just a fucking spicy version of mustard. Now that a Democrat president has ordered dijon mustard, it's fucking elitist all of a sudden. I don't think these dumb sons of bitches realized that the Grey Poupon commercials were a fucking joke.
They mocked Obama, acting like him & Biden came in with bottled water. When the fuck did that become elitist. My theory is anything that is fucking sold at fucking WALMART isn't elitist. And on top of that, they didn't even have fucking bottled water with them, so these fucking shitbricks are just pulling shit out of their ass and claiming that Obama did it (for a more dire version of the right doing this, look up the so-called "Obama Enemies List").
If I were her, and had nothing more constructive to do than criticize the way our President eats a fucking hamburger, I would punch myself in the eye until it turned to jelly.
She asks what kind of man wouldn't put ketchup on his burger. If we're going to size up what kind of man the president is, why don't we do it based on a larger, more substantial issue? Say 4 years ago, why wasn't she asking what kind of man the president was to be out in California after New Orleans had been ravaged by a fucking hurricane.
And here's Sean Hannity's comments:
That "fancy burger"... he got it with cheddar & fucking spicy mustard. If Shitbrick Sean would have done any fucking research at all (I know, that's like asking the Pope to go to a fucking Bar Mitzvah), he would have found that Rays Hell Burgers offers many things substantially more "elitist" than fucking Dijon. For example, you can get fucking foie gras and fucking white truffle oil. With all that on the menu, he orders cheddar & dijon and he's still a fucking elitist.
Sean, fuck you. I've had fucking bowel movements that have been more informative than listening to you fucking talk.
We're in the middle of an economic fucking crisis. Two goddamn wars. And a bunch of other bullshit going on. But here is what the conservative pundits are pissed about:
Granted, it's complete monkeyshit that the media made this big of a deal out of the pres. & VP getting a fucking burger. Had he been a vegatarian prior to this point in time, yeah it's fucking noteworthy because it'd be like his meat baptism. But he went out for a fucking burger.
BUT it is way more fucking absurd that the conservative pundits, esp. Hannity & Fucking Laura Ingraham are making such a huge fucking deal out of the WAY he ordered his burger. Sigmund fucking Freud couldn't have made more inferences than they do about the man from the way he orders a fucking burger.
First a look at Laura Fucking Ingraham's insightful fucking comments:
I like how she says how fucking absurd it is that the media's covering it, then proceeds to cover it hersel.
Now I love ketchup. Probably more than anyone I know. But it's not a national fucking crisis that he doesn't get ketchup on his fucking burger. And when the fuck did dijon motherfucking mustard become elitist. Prior to may 6th, Dijon mustard was just a fucking spicy version of mustard. Now that a Democrat president has ordered dijon mustard, it's fucking elitist all of a sudden. I don't think these dumb sons of bitches realized that the Grey Poupon commercials were a fucking joke.
They mocked Obama, acting like him & Biden came in with bottled water. When the fuck did that become elitist. My theory is anything that is fucking sold at fucking WALMART isn't elitist. And on top of that, they didn't even have fucking bottled water with them, so these fucking shitbricks are just pulling shit out of their ass and claiming that Obama did it (for a more dire version of the right doing this, look up the so-called "Obama Enemies List").
If I were her, and had nothing more constructive to do than criticize the way our President eats a fucking hamburger, I would punch myself in the eye until it turned to jelly.
She asks what kind of man wouldn't put ketchup on his burger. If we're going to size up what kind of man the president is, why don't we do it based on a larger, more substantial issue? Say 4 years ago, why wasn't she asking what kind of man the president was to be out in California after New Orleans had been ravaged by a fucking hurricane.
And here's Sean Hannity's comments:
That "fancy burger"... he got it with cheddar & fucking spicy mustard. If Shitbrick Sean would have done any fucking research at all (I know, that's like asking the Pope to go to a fucking Bar Mitzvah), he would have found that Rays Hell Burgers offers many things substantially more "elitist" than fucking Dijon. For example, you can get fucking foie gras and fucking white truffle oil. With all that on the menu, he orders cheddar & dijon and he's still a fucking elitist.
Sean, fuck you. I've had fucking bowel movements that have been more informative than listening to you fucking talk.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The 59th Street Bitch Song
With the bailouts and stimulus package dominating the news cycle lately, I haven't found much inspiration to write about anything, but I feel it's time to put in my two cents. It's well-established that most of America doesn't like the stimulus bills, and who can blame them since these greedy fucks on Wall Street and the Bernie Madoff assholes of the world have spent the past several fucking over the American people like we're a federal prisoner that dropped the soap. I'm not a big fan of the stimulus packages either. But it's what every top economist is recommending to do, even conservative ones.
What's been really pissing me off though is how Republicans are acting like this whole thing is 100% Obama. What they're forgetting is that the first, and substantially shittier, stimulus package was signed by a fucking Republican president and fucking championed by Mr. Jowly Anti-pork himself, Sen. McCain. How could one so easily forget a fucking presidential campaign (Mr. McCain's) being suspended so he could fucking barnstorm into Washington and champion passing this first stimulus package. Then it failed in the House, which was entertaining, and sure as hell didn't help out his prospects in November. Anyfuckingways, from what I recall, a little over half of this stimulus money has been signed into law by Obama. The other half was signed by Bush, and fucking championed by McCain. Where were the motherfucking tea parties then?
Speaking of which, where was the fucking tea at these tea parties? Personally, if I were a GOP protester and I showed up to bitch & drink tea, and found out there was no tea, I'd be uber-pissed because I fucking love tea.
And I'm all for people's right to protest, but it's a little fucked up that in recent memory fucking Hannitty was talking about what a travesty it was that anyone would question the president, and now he's calling for people to take to the fucking streets in anarchy. It's interesting to see how quickly the sides have shifted roles; now the right-wingers are the radical protesters and the left are bitching about them protesting. Not long ago, the left was protesting and being mocked on Fox News. Now the right is protesting, being mocked on MSNBC, and Fox News is acting like it's incredulous that someone would ever fucking mock protesters. Fuck off Fox News, you'd have to have the memory of a comatose hippopotamus to forget what a bitchstorm you put up anytime someone protested anything during the golden years of the neocon movement.
Truly, this is a serious call to Republicans to stop your fucking bitching, grow a pair, and actually come up with something productive. The Democrats have come up with the bailouts as a plan, what is the Republicans plan? I haven't fucking heard one. Since the Republicans are now the minority opposition party, I think it is their duty to this great country to not just bitch about what the Democrats are doing but to fucking come up with an alternative. If the GOP is so truly fundamentally against the bailouts why don't you stop whining and do something that might be politically risky, and come up with an alternative on how to save our fucking country from this recession. Our country would greatly benefit from having differing constructive opinions instead of just having the Democrats come up with a plan and the Republicans pointing out what all is wrong with it. Fucking come up with a fucking idea of your own.
GOP, you don't like the bailouts. I'm not a big fan of them. Neither are the majority of the citizens of this country. So my question to you is what the fuck are you going to do about it?
-Rev. Joe
P.S. And if you respond to that question with more bitching, I will fucking punch you in the face.
What's been really pissing me off though is how Republicans are acting like this whole thing is 100% Obama. What they're forgetting is that the first, and substantially shittier, stimulus package was signed by a fucking Republican president and fucking championed by Mr. Jowly Anti-pork himself, Sen. McCain. How could one so easily forget a fucking presidential campaign (Mr. McCain's) being suspended so he could fucking barnstorm into Washington and champion passing this first stimulus package. Then it failed in the House, which was entertaining, and sure as hell didn't help out his prospects in November. Anyfuckingways, from what I recall, a little over half of this stimulus money has been signed into law by Obama. The other half was signed by Bush, and fucking championed by McCain. Where were the motherfucking tea parties then?
Speaking of which, where was the fucking tea at these tea parties? Personally, if I were a GOP protester and I showed up to bitch & drink tea, and found out there was no tea, I'd be uber-pissed because I fucking love tea.
And I'm all for people's right to protest, but it's a little fucked up that in recent memory fucking Hannitty was talking about what a travesty it was that anyone would question the president, and now he's calling for people to take to the fucking streets in anarchy. It's interesting to see how quickly the sides have shifted roles; now the right-wingers are the radical protesters and the left are bitching about them protesting. Not long ago, the left was protesting and being mocked on Fox News. Now the right is protesting, being mocked on MSNBC, and Fox News is acting like it's incredulous that someone would ever fucking mock protesters. Fuck off Fox News, you'd have to have the memory of a comatose hippopotamus to forget what a bitchstorm you put up anytime someone protested anything during the golden years of the neocon movement.
Truly, this is a serious call to Republicans to stop your fucking bitching, grow a pair, and actually come up with something productive. The Democrats have come up with the bailouts as a plan, what is the Republicans plan? I haven't fucking heard one. Since the Republicans are now the minority opposition party, I think it is their duty to this great country to not just bitch about what the Democrats are doing but to fucking come up with an alternative. If the GOP is so truly fundamentally against the bailouts why don't you stop whining and do something that might be politically risky, and come up with an alternative on how to save our fucking country from this recession. Our country would greatly benefit from having differing constructive opinions instead of just having the Democrats come up with a plan and the Republicans pointing out what all is wrong with it. Fucking come up with a fucking idea of your own.
GOP, you don't like the bailouts. I'm not a big fan of them. Neither are the majority of the citizens of this country. So my question to you is what the fuck are you going to do about it?
-Rev. Joe
P.S. And if you respond to that question with more bitching, I will fucking punch you in the face.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Ecstasy
This isn't about politics, but it's been bugging the shit out of me lately.
Something's really been chapping my ass today. Tehcno music. I can't fucking stand techno. Tonight I was at the casino, and I heard a techno version of Bob Marley's "Sun is Shining." This really pissed me off. What really gets my piss boiling about techno is that they always take a fucking song that was a good damn song originally, then they fucking chop it up and at a stupid as fucking beat to it then change the damn tempo of the song then all the fuckers that are hopped up on ecstasy go apeshit over it because they liked this song originally and now they can finally do their fucking glowstick dance to this bullshit.
Ecstasy is going to be the downfall of music, because all these fuckers get all hopped on E and they think that everything would be good as techno music, but's not. Fleetwod fucking Mac does not turn into good fucking techno music.
You know what does make good techno music? Fucking Icelandic or Nordic hookers getting some douche bag-looking guys to play a fucking beat with a high fucking pitched keyboard over it, and then the lead singer repeats one or two lines over and fucking over again for 3 & a half minutes. The song would preferably be in another language, too. If it's in this language it should sound like someone with English as a 42nd language wrote the fucking line... something like "Get off your ass, my new jeans are on the street."
Daft Punk proved, you can have a fairly successful techno song using the same formula and uttering only 1 phrase for 4 fucking minutes.
Something's really been chapping my ass today. Tehcno music. I can't fucking stand techno. Tonight I was at the casino, and I heard a techno version of Bob Marley's "Sun is Shining." This really pissed me off. What really gets my piss boiling about techno is that they always take a fucking song that was a good damn song originally, then they fucking chop it up and at a stupid as fucking beat to it then change the damn tempo of the song then all the fuckers that are hopped up on ecstasy go apeshit over it because they liked this song originally and now they can finally do their fucking glowstick dance to this bullshit.
Ecstasy is going to be the downfall of music, because all these fuckers get all hopped on E and they think that everything would be good as techno music, but's not. Fleetwod fucking Mac does not turn into good fucking techno music.
You know what does make good techno music? Fucking Icelandic or Nordic hookers getting some douche bag-looking guys to play a fucking beat with a high fucking pitched keyboard over it, and then the lead singer repeats one or two lines over and fucking over again for 3 & a half minutes. The song would preferably be in another language, too. If it's in this language it should sound like someone with English as a 42nd language wrote the fucking line... something like "Get off your ass, my new jeans are on the street."
Daft Punk proved, you can have a fairly successful techno song using the same formula and uttering only 1 phrase for 4 fucking minutes.
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